I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in post) - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Redroses · 2nd Feb 2012, 03:56 AM

I've had a feeling for awhile now that my ten year old sister maybe transgendered I'd like to help her through it but I'm not sure what questions to ask and what I should know. She tells me almost everything and I think she'd talk to me better then our parents.

She's always been more orientated towards acting and looking more like a boy then a girl.

I know that alone doesn't make her transgendered but when she was three and up until about the age of five she always said she was a boy and it was an idea of her own. We lived in a small town and everyone including my parents, grandparents and even myself told her that she was a girl and I think that was the only reason she stopped saying anything about it. The reason being that we didn't really know anything about transgendered people so we couldn't have known.

She was at least seven before I knew that transgendered people even existed. She has almost always been friends with boys and I know that she if asked if she preferred to be a boy or a girl she would say boy. I know that most girls go though a "tomboy" stage but she's always been like this so I know that it's not that.

There was also something that happened today where my mother and sister were arguing about her wearing a certain outfit because she is a girl and the look on her face when mum said the girl bit, I don't know how I did notice it before she looked so sad and conflicted. I'm sure there's more that points towards her being transgendered but I'm not sure what else to look for, even now I don't know all that much about what it is like to be transgendered.

But that's why I'm here I'd like to learn and help my sister because if she is transgendered then I'm perfectly fine with it.

As for our parents think my mother has had her supissions for awhile as I have seen her reading a few articles about and by parents with transgendered children but only if it comes up in her usual reading so she has probably talked about it with or at least mentioned it my father. I am almost 100 percent certain that they will accept it and be fine with it even if they are a little shocked at first, because they've always taught my sister and I to be open and accepting of people who are different from us and those who are the same. I'm also still referring to her as female until she tells me otherwise.

What I'd like to know is:

How do transgender people feel and act? I've came across so many stereotypes, I'd like to know what is real and what is not.

What questions do I ask when I sit her down to talk about it?

How do I help her discuss it with our parents? should I talk to them first?

What can she and my parents do now at her age to make it easier for her if she later wants to change her body into that of a male?

How best to explain to other family so they will accept and understand? (when the time comes that we tell the rest of our family) and how to deal with anyone who doesn't accept it?

If there is bullying what are the best options in dealing with?

If you're Australian do you know of any help/counselling services for transgendered children and their parents?

and anything else anyone out there can explain about being transgendered especially when it involves a pre teen, female to male transgender person and even some information for a time later then the pre-teen years. I know this is a lot ask but I don't know where else to go. This site I know will be more reliable and helpful then anywhere else on the internet. So I'm asking if you can please help.

Thank you in advance to anyone who answers, you have no idea how much you will be helping me and most importantly my younger sister.

Foxywolf · 2nd Feb 2012, 04:37 AM

First I'd like to say good on ya for being a good sister.
But second of all I think that before you talk to anyone else about your suspicions about your sister being transgendered, I think you should talk to your sister first. Ask her exactly how she feels. It would be kind of bad if you took all of these steps and then she turns out to not be transgendered.
I am not that experienced on transgendered people so i can just tell you what I've heard and things.

Trnsgendered people - if I understand correctly (correct me if I am wrong anyone) just feel like they are born the wrong gender. But everyone is different and they all feel different ways. Sorry I can't really tell you cuz im not transgendered.

If I were to sit down and talk to her, I would ask how she feels about her gender. And if she is happy with her gender. And then if she said she wasn't happy, and she wanted to be a boy. Or even that she WAS a boy, then you can ask her why. Just to make sure that it is not some little kid game (although it probably isn't if it has been going on for a while.)

For parents, as I said, you should talk to her first, to make sure your assumptions are correct.

I think that at her age to make it easier to transition later, you could start using male pronouns earlier, let her dress how she wants, get a boy haircut. So others perciever her as being a boy and they can get used to it, so it isn't harder for her to change others views of her when she is older or might I say when he is older

.

Bullying is hard, you can't protect her/him from the world, but you can let him/her know that you will always be there to love and support him/her.

Good Luck!
Keep us posted.

DhammaGamer · 2nd Feb 2012, 06:27 AM

I kind of wish I had a third party who could have asked me these types of questions when I was your sisters age. Then again, I didn't really know who I was at that age and spent a lot of time and energy trying to fit in with everyone else so, who knows.

I think that if you really want to find out then just sit down with her and ask her straight up, "do you ever wish you could be a boy?"

If the answer is yes, then tell your parents and maybe they can work on finding therapy for her. Whether or not she is transsexual or some other gender variant needs to be worked out on her terms at her pace. It is not something that anyone else can determine from her behavior or external appearance or presentation.

seeksanctuary · 2nd Feb 2012, 07:11 PM

Agreed with Dhama, though I'd like say...

I know lots of cisgendered girls who have at some point wished they'd been born a boy, so I'd rephrase the question a bit and outright ask her if she is having issues with her gender. I'd sit her down, just the two of you, and tell her that you want to ask her something. Assure her first that you can talk about anything, and then say something like:

"I've noticed you and mom were arguing over clothing, and you seemed really upset. This might be an odd question, but are you struggling with gender issues? Like, do you feel you should be a boy?"

I'm sure she'll understand. I was ten when my gender issues serious kicked in, and... most ten year olds understand the concept of gender at that age, I think.

The questions you have can be better answered once we know if she is trans or not. :]

wellhidden · 2nd Feb 2012, 08:07 PM

I can only answer the last two questions But hopefully it will be enough...

If you or your sister feel as if you are going to be harassed at school and in the community then I suggest you notify any persons of authority, because we all know that bullying won't stop unless you actually have the backup. (if you get what i'm saying)

In regards to a councellor, I am under the impression that in all schools of Australia there should be a councellor nearby or in contact with one through the principal. If not there are hotlines such as the kids hotline

fabuloustodd · 9th Feb 2012, 05:05 PM

This organization is in the states, but they work exclusively with transgender youth and would be willing to provide you some guidance through email or phone. I believe they do have some Australian contacts as well that they can hook you up with if your younger sibling does end up being trans.

TransActive - Services for Trans Spectrum Youth and Families

Thanks for being such a fantastic, caring sister and good luck!

Ianthe · 9th Feb 2012, 05:28 PM

Come out to her. Any discussion of pansexuality can lead easily into a discussion of trangender people, and coming out as pansexual positions you as accepting of transgender people. This would make you a very safe person to talk to about any gender issues she may have.

Maybe you aren't ready to be out--but then, at 10-years-old, she almost certainly isn't ready.

Maybe the most important thing you could do would be to make sure she knows about transgender people. You didn't, at her age. She can't tell you she's transgender if she's never heard of that.

Some women are very masculine in character without being transgender. Make sure she knows that that is allowed, too. Your mother is very wrong to try to force your sister into feminine behavior, even if your sister isn't transgender. She can be a girl and still like all the boy things, and cut her hair short, and all that.

2nd Feb 2012, 03:56 AM	#1
Redroses I'm different... and I love it. Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Panromantic Demisexual Out Status: Those close to me and anyone that asks Location: Australia Age: 18 Posts: 19 Join Date: Nov 2011	I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in post) I've had a feeling for awhile now that my ten year old sister maybe transgendered I'd like to help her through it but I'm not sure what questions to ask and what I should know. She tells me almost everything and I think she'd talk to me better then our parents. She's always been more orientated towards acting and looking more like a boy then a girl. I know that alone doesn't make her transgendered but when she was three and up until about the age of five she always said she was a boy and it was an idea of her own. We lived in a small town and everyone including my parents, grandparents and even myself told her that she was a girl and I think that was the only reason she stopped saying anything about it. The reason being that we didn't really know anything about transgendered people so we couldn't have known. She was at least seven before I knew that transgendered people even existed. She has almost always been friends with boys and I know that she if asked if she preferred to be a boy or a girl she would say boy. I know that most girls go though a "tomboy" stage but she's always been like this so I know that it's not that. There was also something that happened today where my mother and sister were arguing about her wearing a certain outfit because she is a girl and the look on her face when mum said the girl bit, I don't know how I did notice it before she looked so sad and conflicted. I'm sure there's more that points towards her being transgendered but I'm not sure what else to look for, even now I don't know all that much about what it is like to be transgendered. But that's why I'm here I'd like to learn and help my sister because if she is transgendered then I'm perfectly fine with it. As for our parents think my mother has had her supissions for awhile as I have seen her reading a few articles about and by parents with transgendered children but only if it comes up in her usual reading so she has probably talked about it with or at least mentioned it my father. I am almost 100 percent certain that they will accept it and be fine with it even if they are a little shocked at first, because they've always taught my sister and I to be open and accepting of people who are different from us and those who are the same. I'm also still referring to her as female until she tells me otherwise. What I'd like to know is: How do transgender people feel and act? I've came across so many stereotypes, I'd like to know what is real and what is not. What questions do I ask when I sit her down to talk about it? How do I help her discuss it with our parents? should I talk to them first? What can she and my parents do now at her age to make it easier for her if she later wants to change her body into that of a male? How best to explain to other family so they will accept and understand? (when the time comes that we tell the rest of our family) and how to deal with anyone who doesn't accept it? If there is bullying what are the best options in dealing with? If you're Australian do you know of any help/counselling services for transgendered children and their parents? and anything else anyone out there can explain about being transgendered especially when it involves a pre teen, female to male transgender person and even some information for a time later then the pre-teen years. I know this is a lot ask but I don't know where else to go. This site I know will be more reliable and helpful then anywhere else on the internet. So I'm asking if you can please help. Thank you in advance to anyone who answers, you have no idea how much you will be helping me and most importantly my younger sister. __________________ Those who dare to be different should not persecuted, bullied and shamed but revered, admired and accepted...

2nd Feb 2012, 04:37 AM	#2
Foxywolf EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: 95% Lesbian Out Status: One foot out of the closet (Out to 10 people) Location: New York State, near Rochester Age: 19 Posts: 322 Join Date: Jan 2011	Re: I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in po First I'd like to say good on ya for being a good sister. But second of all I think that before you talk to anyone else about your suspicions about your sister being transgendered, I think you should talk to your sister first. Ask her exactly how she feels. It would be kind of bad if you took all of these steps and then she turns out to not be transgendered. I am not that experienced on transgendered people so i can just tell you what I've heard and things. Trnsgendered people - if I understand correctly (correct me if I am wrong anyone) just feel like they are born the wrong gender. But everyone is different and they all feel different ways. Sorry I can't really tell you cuz im not transgendered. If I were to sit down and talk to her, I would ask how she feels about her gender. And if she is happy with her gender. And then if she said she wasn't happy, and she wanted to be a boy. Or even that she WAS a boy, then you can ask her why. Just to make sure that it is not some little kid game (although it probably isn't if it has been going on for a while.) For parents, as I said, you should talk to her first, to make sure your assumptions are correct. I think that at her age to make it easier to transition later, you could start using male pronouns earlier, let her dress how she wants, get a boy haircut. So others perciever her as being a boy and they can get used to it, so it isn't harder for her to change others views of her when she is older or might I say when he is older . Bullying is hard, you can't protect her/him from the world, but you can let him/her know that you will always be there to love and support him/her. Good Luck! Keep us posted. __________________ "Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

2nd Feb 2012, 06:27 AM	#3
DhammaGamer EC Addict Full Member Gender: MtF Orientation: Queer <3 Out Status: The closet is falling apart around me!!! Location: Michigan Age: 25 Posts: 372 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in po I kind of wish I had a third party who could have asked me these types of questions when I was your sisters age. Then again, I didn't really know who I was at that age and spent a lot of time and energy trying to fit in with everyone else so, who knows. I think that if you really want to find out then just sit down with her and ask her straight up, "do you ever wish you could be a boy?" If the answer is yes, then tell your parents and maybe they can work on finding therapy for her. Whether or not she is transsexual or some other gender variant needs to be worked out on her terms at her pace. It is not something that anyone else can determine from her behavior or external appearance or presentation.

2nd Feb 2012, 07:11 PM	#4
seeksanctuary Weary Traveller Full Member Gender: Transgender - FtM Orientation: Gay Out Status: Pretty much everyone that matters. Location: USA Age: 24 Posts: 402 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in po Agreed with Dhama, though I'd like say... I know lots of cisgendered girls who have at some point wished they'd been born a boy, so I'd rephrase the question a bit and outright ask her if she is having issues with her gender. I'd sit her down, just the two of you, and tell her that you want to ask her something. Assure her first that you can talk about anything, and then say something like: "I've noticed you and mom were arguing over clothing, and you seemed really upset. This might be an odd question, but are you struggling with gender issues? Like, do you feel you should be a boy?" I'm sure she'll understand. I was ten when my gender issues serious kicked in, and... most ten year olds understand the concept of gender at that age, I think. The questions you have can be better answered once we know if she is trans or not. :] __________________ but there's no sense crying over every mistake you just keep on trying 'til you run out of cake...

2nd Feb 2012, 08:07 PM	#5
wellhidden EC's unofficial metaphysician Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 94% gay 6% bi Out Status: Getting there Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 224 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in po I can only answer the last two questions But hopefully it will be enough... If you or your sister feel as if you are going to be harassed at school and in the community then I suggest you notify any persons of authority, because we all know that bullying won't stop unless you actually have the backup. (if you get what i'm saying) In regards to a councellor, I am under the impression that in all schools of Australia there should be a councellor nearby or in contact with one through the principal. If not there are hotlines such as the kids hotline __________________ The summer is over, The harvest is in, and we are not saved... Jeremiah 8:20

9th Feb 2012, 05:05 PM	#6
fabuloustodd Member Regular Member Gender: Transgender - FtM Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Portland, OR Age: 24 Posts: 47 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in po This organization is in the states, but they work exclusively with transgender youth and would be willing to provide you some guidance through email or phone. I believe they do have some Australian contacts as well that they can hook you up with if your younger sibling does end up being trans. TransActive - Services for Trans Spectrum Youth and Families Thanks for being such a fantastic, caring sister and good luck!

9th Feb 2012, 05:28 PM	#7
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: I Think My Younger Sister Maybe Transgendered and I'd Like To Help (Details in po Come out to her. Any discussion of pansexuality can lead easily into a discussion of trangender people, and coming out as pansexual positions you as accepting of transgender people. This would make you a very safe person to talk to about any gender issues she may have. Maybe you aren't ready to be out--but then, at 10-years-old, she almost certainly isn't ready. Maybe the most important thing you could do would be to make sure she knows about transgender people. You didn't, at her age. She can't tell you she's transgender if she's never heard of that. Some women are very masculine in character without being transgender. Make sure she knows that that is allowed, too. Your mother is very wrong to try to force your sister into feminine behavior, even if your sister isn't transgender. She can be a girl and still like all the boy things, and cut her hair short, and all that.