Maybe-straight date

[jargon]

So I've plans to meet up with this guy from one of my classes at school on saturday. I suspect he might be gay, but I really have no solid evidence. Either he's been flirting with me the past couple weeks or he's just exceptionally friendly and complimentary. Also, he's made a few comments about liking rainbows that I thought might've been hints.

Anywho, I like this guy a little bit, and would be quite happy if he turned out to be gay. I'm not so involved that I'd be devestated if he was straight yet though, so I'd really like to figure this out before I get to that point. I know just asking is the obvious choice - my main reservation about that is we'll be working on a major semester-long project together. If he ends up thinking I'm in love with him all semester or something like that, well, it'll be a tad awkward to say the least. Plus, he's a fun guy to talk to, and it'd be great if we were friends regardless.

So, EC, what collective wisdom can you share with me regarding this fairly trivial little pickle I'm in? Approaches to similar situations? Encouragement? Unrelated tangents?

[thevedman]

Yeah the 'is straight and just nice? Or actually gay and might like me?' pickle! It's a classic!

Does he know your orientation? I think in some ways that is the best way of finding out if he's interested, I mean if you feel ready to tell him, which you may not. I don't think asking him straight out whether he's gay or not is a good idea, as he really may not be ready to tell you...

What are you guys doing on the Saturday? Is there anyway it could be a date style thing?

[insidehappy]

this one is a hard one. but the good news is that you were able to get a chance to go out with him. a lot of times in these situations its hard to even get to that level. the best advice i have for you is just to enjoy hanging and dont worry about if he is gay or straight. if he is gay he will undoubtedly kick up the flirting with you or let you know in some way without actually saying it. just hang out and do whatever comes naturally. be yourself. i had one of these situations and although both of us never said we were "gay" persay, it was clear based on looks, chemistry and conversation topics that it was the case. however, it never went anyway afterwards because i was still "in the closet" even during the straight -gay date. i think the person sensed this and just became uninterested. anyway, go hang out and if you think afterwards you really like the guy maybe in casual convo you can let him know you're gay (without asking if he is) and then if he is gay or interested he will feel more comfortable coming out to you. in these situations tho, you have to be prepared that he will say he is straight or back off you even if he is gay because he may not want to deal with it. sounds like you are just slightly interested in him but its not really "that deep" for you yet. so i wouldn't ask or tell. i would just hang out and see if you guys can be friends, it sounds like thats what you want anyway mostly

[dennisvkn]

So I've plans to meet up with this guy from one of my classes at school on saturday. I suspect he might be gay, but I really have no solid evidence. Either he's been flirting with me the past couple weeks or he's just exceptionally friendly and complimentary.

Holy cow.. When I first read this, I thought you're my friend, we're also going to hang out this saturday, and we've been really close and do stuffs like flirting (I would freak out right now if you were him). He asked me, actually he tried some thing that he took out from a Spanish dictionary: " You're a faggot. Yes or No", I didn't understand (I do now) and said yes, he was like 'wow didn't expected that' but still asked me to go on Saturday.

So what I've planned were that I'll try to ask if he has a girlfriend or is he dating one of his classmate (specific name if you know). And if he was fooling around with you, then its a good chance to do something touchy/closer. Wish we both the best luck eh !!

[Nemo39122]

Does he know you're bi? That could be a huge factor in whether or not it's just hanging out, or more like a date. Casually ask if he has a girlfriend, things like that. My advice would be for now just try to get to know him better. If he doesn't know you're bi, maybe tell him within the next few weeks or so in case he is interested in you, he may be not doing anything about it because he thinks you're straight. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!