so like many young girls i am questioning my sexuality and have been for about a year now. i am 16 by the way going on 17 in April! so excited if that helps any. the reason i started questioning my sexuality was because last year , i had developed a crush (yes i say crush) on a girl in my class and at first , i didn't know what these feelings were...and so i didn't quite understand if it was a crush or not but in the end , i knew i had because the feelings weren't going away so ..i started to question it but i realized along the way , Katie wasn't my first crush on a girl...there was a girl i had a crush on in elementary/middle school too but i didn't question my sexuality then and i had the same feeling as i did for Katie and then i went through a period of OCD of trying to figure it out , then i just gave up saying it was a phase...that many girls go through...since apparently...i'm 16 and it usually is a phase but on may 13th , a girl emailed me through yahoo answers and helped me a little...and when she did that , everything went away...the questioning , the worries , just everything...and we continued to email each other for 3 months but in the beginning , she told me i had to trust her and i had trust issues and i never trust people online but in the end...she said she couldn't talk to me anymore...if i didn't and for some reason...my heart dropped and i didn't want her to leave. let me remind you. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME with anyone online , i usually avoid talking to people online from what I've learned. anyways i decided to trust her , i did ask her out at one point because i felt like i had feelings for her in which i felt was the happiest day of my life (yes i know it's a big joke , dating online ...and well long story short , she lied to me about who she was. she said her name was violet when really it's scarlett but she didn't lie about her age ...she told me she was sorry over and over...and she said ...she created a safe space online so she could help people but ended up hurting me. i was devastated ...it's like i finally know what it means to have your heart break. i cried...and stayed in my room and just felt this heaviness on my heart and at night , it was worse...it's like a sharp pain...i was physically hurting but in the end...i decided to forgive her because i knew holding a grudge wasn't going to do anything...anyways...i have Skyped with her to make sure she wasn't a pedophile like my sister pointed out all the time but i don't trust her anymore (scarlett) in to which she does understand but me and scarlett are still talking , the reason i'm telling you about her is because i think of her all the time and it's hard to get her out of my head. my sister and dad think i'm straight which they might be right but i can't help but wonder about the crushes I've had on girls. Rosalyn , i remember whenever i would see her , it was like butterflies in my stomach and i would always try and be near her. it's funny , i would also try and impress her as well....when she and i would play soccer , i just couldn't help but get so nervous around her...and i was so shy. Katie , i don't why i started having a crush on her , i just did....i remember i was walking into the cafeteria and i saw her....then all the sudden , my stomach flipped and i felt so shy around her...and just everything felt...fuzzy and it happened most of the time i saw her , i had to stop liking her because she liked some other girl but it took me at least a month. other crushes....one was on a teacher , her name was ms.mclaughlin , Jesus....she was beautiful in every which way...but i asked my sister what she though and she said she just thought i just looked up to her there was a girl named Brandi ...my friend Alicia's older sister....i would always say hi to her and i always got nervous around , i remember this one time my mom was extremely drunk (which i was use to) and brandi was sick....so i slipped a note under her door hoping she feels better and she said to come in her room and now that i remember it...i was so nervous ...then i got in her bed then slept there until the morning... again my sister said i looked up to her which maybe she is right... i'm not going to rule that one out. i just know i would get nervous around her now for the guys. i had crushes on guys of course....like for example , Kyle in my old middle school...i was practically obsessed with him and he decided to play a joke on me and ask me out so when he broke up with me which was a week later , i was crying. i wrote in my diary about the guys i liked and told my dad and sister...about them and what not but for some reason , i never told them about how i was nervous around brandi , rosalyn now katie , i talked about her to my dad ...but i didn't tell him i liked her , he just caught on to it. anyways ....i don't like any guys at the moment... I've been single for 2 years and please don't say i'm giving up on guys...i'm not...i'm just not interested in anyone right now.. relationship wise , i want to be with a girl to see what it like. i really would like the one to care for her , protect her ect but the problem is ..the only girl i like at the moment is scarlett who is more than 2,000 miles away...but there is a girl in my gym class who grabs my attention but i haven't talked to her.
I admit, it did just skim through your post (not that it wasn't interesting, but because I wanted to answer the main question). When I was 16, I was still questioning whether I was straight, bisexual or gay - although deep down I knew I was gay. It wasn't until I was 17 that I fully accepted it. You really can't rely on what others (your dad and sister), only you in your heart of hearts know. You may indeed be straight, and your sexuality will most definitely become clear to you eventually. There's no need to make a rash decision and think 'I must be a lesbian because I've crushed on a girl'. That's not the case. Rather than questioning yourself, look at yourself, listen to what your body and mind is telling you. When we're questioning, we often spend so much time bargaining with ourselves rather than just seeing what's in front of us and accepting it. If you truly don't know your sexuality now, just give it time and slowly work yourself out. I wish you all of the best and just know that you're not alone. We've all been there.
i didn't quite think that. what came to mind was really confusion , i was confused on what i was feeling more or less but thank you for answering.
That's how it all started for me, I used to have crushes on girls in my class and my friends outside of school. I was in love with my neighbor and I was only 8--she was 9, and I thought she was absolutely beautiful. I also had a crush on my 1st/2nd and 4th grade teacher. And I can remember being so devastated when school was out for the summer. I laugh about it now, but it helped me figure out my feelings for women. I think you should embrace your feelings, please do not deny them. That's what I did and it's been my biggest regret, it's left me even more confused and ashamed. I'm pretty sure I'm gay, but I often question myself. I'm sure the questioning will cease once you're confident enough to be yourself. I think you should try talking to the girl in your gym class. Try giving her a compliment and see how she reacts to you. Now, about the girl who lives 2,000 miles away--you should continue talking to her, you never know, you may meet her in the near future. Good luck
thank you so much. i will keep talking to the girl 2,000 miles away....she and i been talking for 6 months straight now...and i think i know her well enough now haha. i think one of the things that i like the most about is her sarcasm. she says she thinks my voice is sexy which is really funny. and the girl in the gym class....i'm trying but coming off a little shy
I know several bi/pansexual people who will explain that they go through cycles of being more or less attracted to each sex. I remember a friend once saying she was having a "lesbian year"--she only seemed to be attracted to girls for nearly a year...and then she shifted again. It's hard in our culture that demands labels to allow something to be fluid, but it's not always avoidable. You may just have to come to terms with not being able to label yourself. The constant cycle of questioning--I don't know if it stops. I'm five years in so far.
Why do I have to answer the question for the benefit of everybody else? I don't know what I am. I don't know if I have a perfect love. I know the sex is unsatisfying, but why do I have to sit myself into a square acre for everybody else, "I am red. I am blue. I am yellow." in fact, I am gray, white to black in increments from here to the Smoky Mountains. I still make a beautiful picture. Why do I have to please everybody else and fit in their notions? I'm too old to be linear, too close to universe.
I would probably say that you are bisexual since you have been attracted to both boys and girls. When I read your story I thought "hey that similar to mine." I've had crushes on both boys and girls, but only every dated one boy. It seems that sometimes I like girls more than I like boys and sometimes I like boys more than girls. Right now I have this major crush on a girl in one of my classes, but last semester I had a crush on a boy in one of my classes. My advice to you is to try not to worry about it. Being comfortable with your sexuality takes time. There are days when I still question it or try to pretend that it's not true. In reality, deep down I know I'm bisexual. You may not be to the point where you are ready to label yourself yet and that's alright.
