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Androgynous

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Greendalehumans, Feb 4, 2013.

  1. Greendalehumans

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    Okay. So. I'm wondering how you know if you're androgynous and what it exactly means.
    I'm biologically female, and I'm comfortable with female pronouns and all. But I've never felt totally at home as a girl. By at the same time I would never feel comfortable being called "he" and such. I hate girly clothes, dresses, etc. I like wearing pretty plain stuff just jeans and a t shirt. I don't like having long hair or wearing make up either.
    I know that these things (how I look) don't decide what gender I am, but they are a reflection of it. I guess I just need a bit more information on what being androgynous is.
    Ugh. I thought I had this all figured out.
     
  2. Argentwing

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    Can you just be a girl with some tomboyish/masculine tendencies? You do sound fairly content with being female; it's just the trappings that come with it you don't completely accept. It doesn't mean you're having gender issues. It just means you're you, and expectations be damned. :grin:
     
  3. Greendalehumans

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    I get that. I'd agree with you but I'm not completely comfortable being a girl nits just that if I had to choose between make and female pronouns I'd pick female.
    When I'm lookin at myself in the mirror and trying to see myself as pretty, I just depressed and I can't bring myself to do it. It's not just self confidence issues, either. I mean, I have those, sure. But they seem to be more prominent when I'm trying to view myself as a girl.
    On the other hand, when I dress as I'm comfortable and look at myself without factorin in my gender I see me. And I feel significantly more at ease with myself. But I don't want to jump to conclusions or try to convince myself that I'm something I'm not. Even if I'm not the gender I've always assumed I was, where am I supposed to go from here?
    Still, information on androgyny (sp?) is appreciated.
    Even better, experiences from androgynous people?
    I jus need all around help, I think.
     
  4. BoiGeorge

    BoiGeorge Guest

    I identity as an androgynous female. I feel like a mixture of female and male but I like y femal body the way it is. But psychologically my brain is quite masculanized. And im okay with that
     
  5. musicgeek13

    musicgeek13 Guest

    I am female with A LOT of masculine tendencies. When I was younger, I used to wish I was a boy but then I realized that I was just uncomfortable with expectations of being female. Once I let myself wear mens clothing and act however I wanted, I became ok with being a girl. I know this might not be the case for you but I thought I would offer my thoughts. I'm not the nurturing, motherly type and I hate dressing up and getting "pretty" but I'm a girl nonetheless.
     
  6. Ianthe

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    Are you opposed to the word "butch" for some reason? That is the word I would usually use for what you seem to be describing.


    Here's Ivan Coyote's A Butch Roadmap:
    [YOUTUBE]pN-py8zojfk[/YOUTUBE]
     
  7. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l judge a lot of this by someone's experiences and personality.

    whatever "look" a person goes for, l could care less about and it speaks less to me about their true nature.

    That said, being androgynous to me is just normal. For myself, l don't give it a second thought, though l make no effort to appear androgynous and probably come out looking more femme. lf not just because l have longish hair.

    lf you really have to work to define it, it's disingenuous. what l see in an androgynous person is someone who connects well with others regardless of gender and communicates well with both sexes.

    Someone that you can sense has likes and dislikes, interests that are authentic, whether they be typical of that person's gender or are all over the place.

    Someone who is doing whatever they feel like and not trying to fit any mold (or manufactured ''non mold'').

    Lemme also say that l think being "androgynous" is a little bit of a funny term, personality wise. l don't typically use it because l don't even like to associate traits with gender.

    lf this weren't encouraged, "androgynous" people would probably just be the norm. Or at least not unusual.
     
    #7 OMGWTFBBQ, Feb 4, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2013
  8. Greendalehumans

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    I'm not opposed to the word. It just doesn't fit me. I just don't really feel like I'm a girl or a boy. I've only recently realized that I don't need to choose. Are gender neutral and androgynous the same thing? Because I'm not trying to describe my "style" or whatever. I'm trying to figure what my gender is. Because I don't think I'm a girl, at least not completely. But at the same time I'm not really a boy.
     
  9. Ianthe

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    Yeah, that's the thing, a lot of self-identified butches describe their gender that way, and their gender is called "butch." I chose Ivan Coyote because that is DEFINITELY the case for her.
    Quote: Ivan E. Coyote on pronouns « Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    But genderqueer is also a possibility.

    Androgynous or andro lesbians are usually more strongly female-identified, to be honest.

    Anyway, I understood what you said.

    ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2013 at 12:36 PM ----------

    Some butches are very strongly female-identified, but some are not very female-identified at all.
     
  10. MysticalFantasy

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    I can and i feel like that anyway :slight_smile: (!)
     
  11. Jim

    Jim
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    I'm genderqueer/ boi/ andro/ pangender/ whatever. I was born in a female body, but I hate most of it, though not enough to have a full sex change. I identify mine and my girlfriend's relationship as a lesbian relationship, but if I were a boy, I'd call it a gay relationship. I wear men's clothes, unless they don't come in my size (like jeans and some t-shirts and stuff)

    Unlike you, if I had to pick a pronoun, I'd pick male, so I'm more on the male side of in the middle, but I think of gender as a sliding scale, not definitive boxes.

    In the end, it's up to you to pick the label you feel fits you the best. Androgyny is more about the way you present yourself and the way you dress/ act, whereas genderqueer or similar labels are a gender identity (although genderqueer is more of an umbrella term, I just can't find one that fits me)
     
  12. Greendalehumans

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    I'm thinking I don't really have a gender, though. I don't identify with butch because I'm not a masculine female. I'm just not anything, really. I'm most comfortable at the moment with gender neutral or agender, even.
     
  13. Kay

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    To you OP. I really believe you and i have similar qualities honey. I am female and happy being such. I would not trade for an instant. Like you I dress in a very male style. I have not touched a dress in decades. I have short hair as well. Many times I have been confused as male. I call myself butch. Being butch is fine and you have to try and be comfortable inside your own skin.


    To the bold: Even if you are butch you still are a girl. I am still all woman and this will never change. Gender is in the mind and not so much in the parts we have. It is the way we see ourselves when we look in the mirror. I look in the mirror and see a woman. I dress and in many ways act in a masculine fashion. Hey yesterday I watched football. My partner shopped for shoes. We play out our lives as we see them.
    Let me ask you this are you comfortable with the parts you have?
    Do you enjoy girly thing or kind of guy things?
    If you sat down to watch TV would you watch the football game or the fashion show?
    Another important question would you rather go to the bathroom and stand or are you okay with sitting? That will tell you how comfortable you are with your gender.
    I am asking the questions because i want to know really what you think. If you want to see butch look at my profile picture. Do you identify like that? Hugs
     
  14. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l'm not butch myself but l'd think about what Kay said.

    There is such thing as being a ''masculine'' woman and not being male or for people to expect that you should be lol. Sounds like their problem. The fact that a woman with masculine traits even thinks that she shouldn't be "female" says a lot.

    Barring she actually is trans, but this is more to do with the hardware specifically and not personality traits.

    Making your gender conform to you in a sense, seems more fulfilling than bending to fit an already existing role (or non role).

    You can also feel like absolutely anything or nothing and be a girl. Take it or leave it, l suppose >_>
     
    #14 OMGWTFBBQ, Feb 4, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2013
  15. Kay

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    The Bold i can express myself through my masculine side better than the female side. I have people confuse me all the time. They will say yes sir. I almost gave a woman a heart attack when I walked into the ladies room. She screamed and told me the men's room was next door. I laughed. It does not bother me. I know who I am and I am fully female and fully content in this shell and mindset. You can be as well. There doesn't need to be gender confusion. It may just be that you need to become comfortable with who you are as I did. Hugs
     
  16. OMGWTFBBQ

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    :slight_smile: yea, l think it's good to understand that you can have more qualities of either gender (for either sex) and still proudly claim your status among that sex lol.

    just brings more diversity within gender.
     
  17. Greendalehumans

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    Thanks guys :slight_smile:
    I'm still positive (or as positive as one can be with these things) that I'm not butch, though. It just doesn't fit.
     
  18. Ianthe

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    Can you explain in what way it doesn't fit? Maybe that would help us to make suggestions that would fit better. What about "butch" is wrong for you?
     
  19. OMGWTFBBQ

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    it's fine not to feel like anything.

    mostly the way l look is based on what l like in other women, only reason l even look femmish. l wouldn't know what to look like otherwise.

    l had cringeworthy style in high school, l wore a lot of clothes that could go either way which would have been fine but, they were just ugly clothes lol.

    But you don't necessarily have to base your look on whatever you feel like, l would look like either nothing or everything l guess...
     
  20. Kay

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    You seem very butch according to what you have been saying. Ianthe asks a good question how does it not fit. I would suppose if you are uncomfortable being a woman in men's clothes that would make sense. Here is a link.
    Butch Lesbian - What is a Butch Lesbian
    It may answer a question or two.