Hey I'm Justina, I'm new here. I'm a 24 year old mom, and currently live with my sons father/boyfriend of 4 years. For a long time I've known that it was possible for me to like both guys and girls, but never really put a label on it. The first person I ever had feelings for and ever slept with was a girl (from age 10-13). My oldest sister (13 years older than me) is married to a girl and has been out of the closet for as long as I can remember, so needless to say I was brought up in a very accepting home, with very supportive and loving people (both parents included). I also have 2 other sisters who are older and are wonderfully supportive of all sexual orientations. Having said that... I care for my sons father (not nearly as much as I used to considering he is an alcoholic and has been abusive on many occasions to me), lately I have been more seeing girls as attractive and whenever I see a lesbian couple I get envious and almost sad as to why I can't have that. I am starting to think that maybe I have only been with my sons father this long for my sons sake...not because I actually want to be with him. I do have fantasies about women and never about men...But, what I am confused about is, is am I having these feelings because I dislike being with my sons father so much, or because they are true feelings about who I am really meant to be. I find women beautiful and am very attracted to some, and can also look at a guy as attractive, but can't see myself thinking about a guy the same way I do a girl...I don't know how to express the severity of my feelings in words...But, any advice anyone? Or does anyone know what I'm going through?:bang::icon_sad: ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2013 at 07:38 PM ---------- Honestly, I could just use some people to talk to who won't judge me for everything that I do, and every thought I have...In my relationship, I don't have that. I am constantly judged, criticized, put down, and shamed because of the ideas in my head, or the way that I look.
Hello. I suggest that you repost something similar to this elsewhere on the site as you'll likely garner more feedback and responses that way. Perhaps in General Support and Advice... It's hard to say anything definitive without knowing you better. After all, the only thing that I and others on this site know is what you've just written above. With that said... It's worth considering your relationship to your son's father. If he's abusive, which is sounds like he is, that's not good for you or your son. You both deserve better than that, and honestly it can also be harmful to your son, whether he sees and hears this abuse directly or whether he experiences it indirectly, through your attitude and your son's father's attitude to each other while together and while separate. That's just something to think about... Honestly, if you spend some good time away from this guy, you'll be able to come up with a less biased picture of your preferences towards others. It will also be healthier for you and your son in the long run, though it may be difficult in the beginning. It's up to you in the end, and you would know best better than me. I wish you the best =) But enough about that. Welcome to EC and if stick around for a while I'm sure you'll find situations and people who you can identify with and thus you can find some more clarity in yourself.
Thanks! I appreciate your input, I will post this elsewhere as well. I definitely know being with him has made it so my son has had to see and hear it. It's a horrible situation which I always had hoped would get better, but think maybe they would get better for reasons other than "I love him". Thanks ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2013 at 07:53 PM ---------- I did copy this post to general advice as well...thank you.
Hi, justina: I'm Jayme, I'm 46, never married, and have no kids, { not that I know of }. I know what you mean when you say that you see lesbian couples, and become very sad because you feel that their lives should be yours. I've just come out recently to my boyfriend, but I've known that I was gay for a long time. whenever I have seen a gay couple that was attractive I also get sad because I wished that I had someone like they have. My family has probably already figured out that I am gay, but they just won't say it, and I'm just trying to find a good time to tell them. All of my life, I've been told that a man should find a good woman to settle down with, problem is, that I've never been as comfortable with a woman as I am with Rick { my boyfriend }. Anyways, I hoe that we can be friends. Jayme { a.k.a. little dick }
Thank you Jayme! I would love to be your friend! I am so glad (no matter how long it took you) that you were able to find your happiness! Thank you for sharing that part of you, with me!
HELLOOOOO!! and welllcoomee haha anyways welcome!! im new here too, and we need more wonderful members lol im sure ull like it here!! hope ull discover the real you!! soon!! ^_^'
