Hi, I'm Fifty Ways. Fine place here. I began my coming out process when I was 14 — and it was a disaster — and somehow every six months I find myself doing the exact same thing for the exact same people with the exact same commotion and now my grandparents know and this is getting too heavy. I mean, it's actually less eventful, less violent, less heart-wrenching than it used to be. And the emotions are dulling. I feel like I'm starting to care less about my family — but I don't want to. And my grandparents being brought into this really messes with the resolve I've been able to build up by concentrating on how terrible my parents have been to me throughout this — because my grandparents aren't terrible. None of my family is, but they are pure; I love them. I love my whole family but being gay is ruining everything and it looks like there really is nothing I can do about it besides accede to a life of self-rejection. Anyhow, I'm a passionate psychology nerd intent on figuring out what it means to be human. I'm not into that therapy stuff as I am in becoming a cognitive scientist. But I'm extremely comfortable, too, with philosophy, computer science and biology, too. I'm going to be an undergraduate at Princeton this fall (which my parents were genuinely proud of me for achieving for about 2 months) and am set on using education to escape my problems and prove my family wrong. Less nerdily, I bike and run a lot, and live in South Carolina (until August 31) and am 18. I'm really enthusiastic about music in general (literally) and listen actively to every major genre. Writing is also my forte. I don't usually use the word forte but there ya go. I'm a lot less of a wreck than I was the first time I joined a forum to talk about my sexuality. Back then, I couldn't even type "I'm gay" without a few minutes of trepidation. I was going to run away or harm myself. Now I'm not overwhelmed — this is just a problem. A problem I'd like your help getting through. But man does this all suck...
Hi and welcome, mate. It can be very hard, I agree. When I was 12, a Great Auntie who I was staying over at asked me if I was gay. I wanted to say yes but the look in her eyes stopped me as I could see that it would have broken her heart and I liked her too much to do that. And also because this was back early in 1984 and it was a dangerous time to be non-straight. I was staying in a small country town and in Sydney, gays were often bashed and the Police refused to properly investigate where deemed to be gay murders.
Thanks, guys. I really like this place; its a lot more constructive than the other place I was at. ^_^
Congrats on your schooling! That's super good. Yeah, I hope we all can help you! I really enjoyed reading this. And your avatar is very nice.
