Hi... I'm not quite sure where to begin... maybe the basics; I'm male and 24 years of age. I have never had a relationship with anyone and never particularly had any desire to, to be honest. However, I've always felt that my level attraction has always veered more towards the male variety - probably more so than what I would like to accept or admit. I don't particularly identify as anything in terms of sexual orientation (maybe this is denial?) but as I'm getting older, I am starting to notice myself acknowledging guys a lot more than I ever have done previously. I just don't know what this means exactly, whilst I'm happy to look, that's as far as I want things to go. The thought of having a relationship with a guy (or anyone for that matter) and being physical with somebody partly disgusts me and terrifies me in equal measure. I suppose matters aren't helped by the fact that I'm not a very sociable person and I do not enjoy meeting people or going places generally and will avoid doing so at all costs sometimes! I'm just happy to keep people at a comfortable distance. It's safe to say I'm a very solitary person and am happy being by myself - I just feel as though I need some advice/encouragement but ultimately, understanding. Another problem is that I have never discussed this with anyone. My parents are a little "old-school" shall we say and I'm almost certain that they would not be accepting of this way of life. I also live at home with them and am pretty sure I'd be thrown out if things were to "progress". Ultimately, I value my relationship with them above all else and this is not something I wish to compromise. I did touch on this with a friend recently (was kinda coaxed into it actually) who was very understanding but I did not (and did not wish to) go into detail about it. Relationships, guys, girls, have never really interested me throughout my teenage years and to this day, still don't really, but I find myself questioning life a lot more as I get older. I feel as though I need to understand myself more and what it is I need/want from life but don't know how to go about it and I suppose fear being potentially ostracized or bullied. I think just going back to what I mentioned earlier, in terms of being "physical" with somebody, it may sound odd, but the idea doesn't appeal and I can't envisage me ever being able to get past that. Whilst there are things I'm curious about, I don't realistically think I can see myself executing them... Sorry for the long post, but would appreciate some comments, advice, guidance, etc... (!)
Welcome.. I am unsure what to say or how to help. Your avoidance of a physical relationship could be a manifestation of internalized homophobia.. You are afraid of it The idea was horrifying to me at first as well.. So, relax here.. You are amongst friends
Hi Matt. I'm new here myself. But not everyone is a highly sexed person. We swore my cousin was gay, even his parents, until he hit his 30s and met someone and she was female. It was the first person he had ever dated. Not to sound like Dear Abbey, but if this is bothering you, and it sounds like it is, you might look for a counselor to talk to about it. But you know, if you choose to remain celibate, that's okay too. Society often today puts celibacy down the same way the gay community did bi-sexuality not that many years ago. But if you are not happy with it, and therefore yourself, that's something that can be worked on. Nice to meet you.
