Hi all, I already posted on the lgbt later in life section of this forum (topic: i think i need help) Just introducing myself quickly: i'm in my early 30's, married to a straight male and together since 8 years. Have had heterosexual relationships since my teenage years. Have always identified as bisexual but am moe seriously doubting if i am a lesbian.. More on that in the other thread.. Its just all VERY VERY confusing and i don't know what to do with my feelings and desires since i'm in a monogamous relationship, don't want to cheat on my husband (he doesn't deserve that), and don't want to break up my family since we have a young child. Well thats About it right now.. Hope to get some (any) advice here and to hopefully feel a bit less alone.. Xxx ---------- Post added 24th Aug 2013 at 10:44 AM ---------- Ps Sorry for the typo's, i'm typing on my Blackberry so thats a bit difficult
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! It can be really hard to come to terms with ones feelings and with the potential changes to your life and to what you have thought is your life going to be like. I think it is great that you have started to posted and talk about what you are feeling which will allow you to create pathways for you to begin moving forward; and getting feedback from others. Take your time in figuring things out and moving forward. Things have a way of working out. (*hug*)
I agree with the "Take your time..." notion. Whatever you eventually decide to do, you need to be very clear in your mind. As with many things, significant consequences may be involved. So, the thought process should include: What do you need to do for yourself? How will this impact others? What can you do to lessen in impact? Good Luck!
Thank you both for your replies. That means a lot to me! To answer the 3 questions: - I don't know - I don't know - I wish I knew That's as far as I can think right now.. I'm really happy with any advice I can get because its really hard to deal with on my own. Ive been having these thoughts and feelings for so long, its like my brain is on repeat. Everytime i try to talk to someone About it because its so lonely to have these thoughts on my own, i shut down. Its like whenever i try to open up to someone i can't breathe. Its hard to trust someone with your deepest thoughts and feelings. I'm afraid of not being understood, of not being taken seriously, etc. i am afraid to leave the life i have worked so hard to build... seperating would mean missing my child parts of the week and there is nothing in the world that would hurt me more than that. i suppose experimenting with women would be a great way to explore these feelings but im afraid my husband is not okay with that and i cant and wont cheat on him cause he doesnt deserve that. when i had my major crush on a woman half a year ago, it shocked me completely how much passion and love and wanting i could feel for someone... like i had never felt before. but then i put those feelings aside and thought well you were in love so then you always think its more special cause that what the butterflies do to you... right? i dont know anything anymore.. i know i miss her.. i know how i felt then, and at that point i literally at one point said to myself "holy crap i'm a lesbian!" when i was in my car. But after breaking contact with her i put those thoughts away in the back of my mind.. not ready to give up my family... not willing to cheat... not wanting to hurt anyone. i figured if someone has to suffer it should be me cause my kid and husband did not ask for this. i think thats why im here on this forum.. to find some understanding people who do not judge. it feels a lot safer than telling anyone i know in real life. its all messed up:icon_sad: i
