*slips in* *looks around* Uhm...howdy! I thought I'd give a shot at introducing myself to ya'll. Being honest, this isn't my strongest point so it's probably going to be kinda not very good and a mix up of many things and ramblings. So, I started poking around the site a bit after talking with a friend and being told I might like it here considering I was questioning things and all. I come from a small town where anything different is frowned upon and mocked and gay is sinning and will send you to hell. Gay is a choice and you chose it so you can deal with whatever happens to you because of it. My dad, I love him dearly I do, he is a homophobic ass. He refuses to even acknowledge that friend or family could be gay claiming that they're "just joking around." My mom is okay with it...so long as it's not me who's gay. Talking to them about how I am questioning my sexuality is like talking to a brick wall and just makes me wanna :bang: :bang: :bang: Moving on before I start ranting. I spend most of my younger child days being verbally abused about my weight or my age [had to start school late because of my birthday] or whatever else people could come up with. The saying "children are cruel" accurately describes the kids I grew up around. Middle school brought most people a look into girlfriends, boyfriends, and relationships. I wasn't much for paying attention to any of that stuff because I was busy being self-conscious about myself. And then at the end of my middle school years I was too busy pushing down any feelings towards other people because some girls felt the need to try and make me admit that I was a lesbian [because not flirting and hanging off of any guy that walked by must mean I was gay]. This continued well into my high school years until people finally declared I was asexual with no input from me whatsoever. After that I just never bothered really thinking about it much. Sure there was the odd crush here or there, but those were easily pushed aside as nothing. Then came last Oct when I started dating a military guy. Looking back on it I wonder if I was possessed when I said I did want to go out with him. Don't get me wrong! Military dudes are great but this one had been my best friend since freshman year so yeah. Anyways, he came home for Thanksgiving and wanted sex or at least some sexual acts because he was used to them from his ex-girlfriend [who also happened to be my best friend]. I wasn't comfortable with it and he didn't care and tried touching places and pulling things out and I wound up punching him in the face multiple times and taking him home and we broke up [:smilewave]within two weeks after that more because of me than him. He'd just made me so uncomfortable with the whole sex thing and I believed [and still do] that it was because he was a close friend or brother than dating material...plus he was a bit of an arse. So yeah...I started wondering exactly why it was I was so uncomfortable and for a while I just assumed I was asexual. Just had no interest in people, but after a number of conversations with a friend and listening to another friend talk about it and all I've started to wonder. Seeing all the friendly people on here and everything has made me believe I'll be able to figure it out [or at least start to figure it out] here. And...yeah....that was a lot of rambling. Sorry about that. :icon_redf
Hey!!! I can honestly say I know exactly what your going through. I was made fun of since middle school about being gay and for ten years I always denied it because being from south Alabama I was taught that it was a sin and that if your gay your an abomination. Well about 5 months ago I began coming out and am now completely out to everyone including my very religious family. But I've known that I was gay since I was 13 but hid it as well as I could. Don't push yourself to a liable, take your time and figure out things. Being gay isn't a choice and you'll figure things out just relax and don't stress I wish I would of had a site like this when I was younger but I didn't.
Welcome! Putting everything down does help some, doesn't it? I'm sure after some time here you'll be able to figure things out; the community is very diverse orientation, age, gender, and lifestyle-wise, but many people share common experiences.
redneck09: The south was not the best place to grow up being anything except straight, Bible following people...or so it seems to be from what I've seen living down here for so long. You have a lot more courage than I do. I highly doubt I will ever be telling my family...ever. This is just something that I doubt would go over well with them at all...plus it would bring tons of bullying from my cousins so...yeah...probably won't be telling them. As for the pushing myself, no worries there. I'm going to be taking my time figuring it out since I've no wish to hurry it along and think I've figured it out only to find out I mistook some feeling for something completely different or something. Hot girl 28: :smilewave Thanks for the welcome. someonelost: :smilewave Thanks for the welcome. And yeah, I'm learning that. It's still a bit odd to be here where everyone's so welcoming, but very nice. Mysz: :smilewave Thanks for the welcome. Yeah, it definitely helped. When I first started typing the post I was aiming for something short, sweet, and simple to start off but then it somehow grew into this huge dinosaur and things I had never really thought much of past "oh this happened once" were suddenly like "hey! this actually had some meaning" and yeah...there I go with my rambling again. Haha the common experiences thing was actually one of the bigger reasons I joined. I surfed around a bit before making my account and some of the stories I read if I didn't know better I would have said they were from me. It was surprising and then a little nerve wracking I suppose I might say and then it was like...I'm not sure what. I don't wanna say relief maybe...happiness at having found others who knew what I was going through or something...idk. But yeah...rambling...sorry. :icon_redf
yo buddy i know how you feel. a great deal actually. your high school experience sounds a lot like mine actually! i was raised about 30mins from the FLA border in GA in a smallish town. it can be kinda tough! i'm glad you're finding outlets to think more about yourself. if you ever need someone to relate too about the good ol' country fried south, i'm here for ya.
You live in gnatville?...er...south GA? I've been down that way many times and I always bring too many gnats back with me. High school was a horrid set of years and I'm sad to hear that someone else's experience was like mine though I know I'm not the only one who went through stuff like. But thanks for the offer to have someone to relate to. I'll keep that in mind as I continue this journey of self discovery.
I totally didn't like accidentally forget this was here and get caught up in horrible life stuff and stuff. :icon_redf :smilewave Thank you. :smilewave Thanks.
