Hi everyone, I've been dipping in & out of forums like this for a while now! Never actually being brave enough to go any further and write anything for myself...I guess the minute I start writing things down it all becomes a bit more real to me. I am a 34 year old woman and for the last few years I have been trying to bury certain thoughts & feelings that I have been having for other women. I live in Manchester where there is a massive gay scene & the majority of people that I hang out with are either gay men or women and to all of them I am 'the straight one!'. My closest two friends are a lesbian couple who have been together for over 10 years & I haven't even been able to bring myself to speak to them about how I feel. I haven't been in any kind of relationship at all in the last seven years as I feel to conflicted in my head. If truth been known in previous relationships that I have had with men, I have never fully enjoyed the physical side of the relationship & am really starting to think this is because I am just not in to it as I would rather be with a woman. I see really attractive women all the time & feel excited by the thought of them but I also appreciate a fit looking man! This all seems to be building up to the biggest amount of pressure in my head and it's starting to make be feel ill as I don't know at my age who to turn to. All websites that I go to are all designed for teenagers that are struggling with their sexuality but there doesn't seem to be anything set up for 34 year old women! I don't really know what kind of feedback I am expecting from this...I know that nobody can make these decisions for me but I can't help but feel very alone right now & would appreciate the thoughts/comments of women who may have found themselves in a similar place. Thanks (it has taken me three hours with this message written before I had the courage to hit the send button!)
34 isn't that old for coming out. There are many here in their 40's and 50's. I'm 72, and finally came to terms with myself this August. Not good to speak in universals--but it's so much easyier being out than in that conflicted between state--at least it was for me. If there's a vigerous gay scene where you live, you should be able to find the right kind of connection. Every person who comes out makes us all stronger and safer, so you can be pretty confident that you'll be warmly welcomed and not judged for your past. Wishing you courage, and may you find the kind of companionship you need and deserve!
Although I'm not a woman - I do wish to commend you for posting after a three hour deliberation. It is also comforting to know that you have two friends that potentially could help you. I wish you all the very best. Welcome
