Hi..I'm brand new to this site and everything it seems. I was married for a very long time. It was bad. Really bad. I became friends with a woman who is gay. We talked every day; several times a day. There was an intimacy between us that I have never had before with anyone. Somewhere along the way, I developed a deep crush. She shared she had feelings for me and one thing led to another and we kissed on a few occasions. It was like nothing I've ever experienced. As life sometimes goes, there were some issues that were out of my control and it never went anywhere else. Unfortunately, we are no longer in each other's lives. I still have feelings for her; can't get her out of my mind, but it just can't be.. for her reasons, not mine. Of course, I'm heartbroken and feel a great sense of loss, but what I have gained was a whole new way of looking at myself. Now for my question...what do I do now? I feel out of place with the straight women I know, yet do not know any women that are gay. I'm shy (just posting here is HUGE for me.) Plus, as you can see from my age, I am older, and I feel there are many that have established friendships. What do I do now?...I just want to feel those amazing feelings happen again and also be with people that have a true understanding of how I'm feeling. Thanks for listening and for your help...
You just need to meet new people. Trust me lots of people are gay, and the time they get to your age people will become perfectionists on hiding it. Trust me, there are some people in your life, who you will least expect it. (Unless they are married or whatever). I think you need someone else who you can develop a crush on, and then eventually you will forget because your love for this new person will make you overcome your old ones. I definitely wouldn't try to bring them back in your life, it would be awkard, I think. Maybe try online dating? Just tips if you go to meet someone meet them at a place with a lot of people, such as starbucks or something. Please do not like give them your address and have them come to your house. (thats beyond dangerous, and I hopefully think you know that). I dont know, I don't know how adults find people their age. Like even past the age of like 30 lets say. Work, is the only thing I think of. If there is anyone at your work (if you have a job) that you think is attractive or at least appealing, just start a friendship. If you think something can happen, go for it, if you don't think anything will happen, just stay friends. (You can always meet their friends, you know.)
Thank you so much for replying and your great advice. I know if someone else comes into my life I will feel so much better. I am not at the point to try the online dating thing..I just wish I can meet someone organically. I know that's not too realistic, given my age. As far as my job, it seems everyone is either married, engaged and also so much younger than me. The other challenge I have is that because I was married for so long, all of my friends are married and involved with their husbands and families. When I do spend time with them, I am preoccupied with my thoughts and think how much I would rather be with people who "get" what I am going through. I am so lonely and wish I had my own group of friends to do things with, as well as be myself. I just feel like life for me has changed so much and I'm so alone with this. I don't mean to be a sad sack..just so tangled up. ---------- Post added 19th Oct 2013 at 05:39 AM ---------- Thanks so much for the welcome Hot girl 28
Hello! There are many of us that are older when we came out or realized that we are gay. You will not be alone here and you WILL make new friends. Do you have a PFLAG group in your area? They can steer you to supportive people and people that know where other lesbians and gays hang out.
Welcome, I think this is a great place where you can find support and acceptance no matter what. This is a great community of people wanting to help.
Thank you so much for your support. I have been searching websites for local places for support, I looked at some online dating sites, looked at various meet up groups profiles - but just stay paralyzed with my thoughts. I want so much to connect, yet taking steps seems to be so hard, even baby steps. My brain feels like it's going to explode...Feels like I want something so much yet I am stuck in quicksand. I know I'm the only one that can get me unstuck..just can't seem to do it.
Welcome Dahlia. I'm new here too. (You were the first to respond to my very first post.) I too was married for a long time (to a bastard), have two great kids, and I'm married again...and I've told my husband. I haven't been this torn apart since my mother died. By the way, I'm middle aged too and have the same concerns that you do.
Hi again Patty and thanks so much for the welcome..I think so much about this..can't seem to do much else. More than anything I would like some friends to just hang out with that are gay so I can get a grip on this. Right now I'm left with my own thoughts. My therapist has recommended I try a women's group, which I did go to. They were lovely, but they were much older than me. So she suggested I talk to people online. She's why I'm here now. Would just love some friends to hang out with, share my concerns with and learn more about what life is like being gay. I know what you are going through is so hard, it's yet another loss for you. And it doesn't help that your husband is a great guy. But life is short and if not now, when?
