I don't know what to say. Hello:eusa_danc Mannnnnnnnn. I could write a book or a few sentences. I know I am gay. Within the last year, after one last ditch effort at a heterosexual relationship with a respectable guy. I'm not religious in the slightest or have never had a problem with gay people, relationships, marriages. Yet, I live in a highly religious area of the country. After coming out to my therapist, and refusing to talk to her about it for an additional probably 5 or 6 months afterwards, I am just in this incredible anguish...I can't even pick apart my feelings or why I am feeling them all the time. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin I just sometimes want to scream. I find myself wishing I wasn't gay...I resent myself, feel guilt and I just feel so isolated. And I don't understand it and it makes me feel crazy!!! PLEASE someone just tell me they understand to some degree.
It's nice to hear from one person. I am drowning slowly but surely in my isolation. I have a wonderful like and I just can't believe this is taking me down. That's what it feels like.
Hey! Welcome to EC! Just remember that most people here have felt feelings like that before. The good thing is that there are so many great people here to give support and advice whenever you need it!
Thank you for all the very warm welcomes. ((((())))) its nice to know that I'm not the only one who is o r has gone through this maddening phase of coming out. I still hold out hope there will be this internal shift inside me that will happen. Even though I know how stupid that is.
JJ, I see you live a very religious part of the country and you don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Two issues I've dealt with. First of all, don't let anyone...your parents, clergy...ANYONE..presume to tell you how GOD feels about you. They really don't know anymore than you do. Look into your heart, your true self and you'll know how GOD feels about you. And two, live for yourself! Stop trying to live up to someone else's expectations of what they think you outta be. That's something which is very difficult to do even if you aren't trying to accept homosexual/lesbian feelings. And why? Because you love them? they're an authority? to make them proud? You can still do all that by being your true self, working hard and truly becoming the person you're meant to be. And if finally, they can't love and respect you for being the best person you can be, and having a strong, healthy sense of self, I guarantee you if you do that, there'll be a line of people waiting to take their place. You'll never be alone, you'll always be loved. Just reach out and take what you want. Peace
Hi little Montana girl. Please know you are not alone k. Most all of us at 1 time or another have felt self - loathing. It is brought on by the way society makes you feel. You feel like to be "normal", you have to deny yourself. I would like you to please read my coming out story so you can see for yourself where this road leads k. You will have to start to love yourself and value who you are, gay, straight or bi, it does not matter. You only have this 1 life so do not let society dictate for you. You are unique and you have value.
Hi welcome. I've been in a similar pickle for some time so you are not alone. What I've learned so far is to just talk about it to someone. I've always felt better because now you are not the only one with all these built up feelings. You now have shared them.
I am so thankful for such kind responses. I think that maybe a lot of things are contributing to how I am feeling. I am almost about to graduate to become a counselor. I grew up hearing things in the church, although am strongly and firmly not a christian, about gay people or behaviors. I also hear how my professors speak about counseling gay clients in my classrooms, although they hold a to a neutrality, they are christian and over 90 percent of my classmates are christian and its amazing the things people will say when they don't think people are listening. I just recently dealt with an incident of a coworker who was gay bashing at a company function. The only person who I came out to, my biological mother (I am adopted), acted supportive, and then when I came to Chicago to see her treated me horrible and its coming on two years now and I have not heard from her since. To have my birthmother come into my life again to just leave out of my life was exceedingly painful and heartbreaking for an adoptee. Its probably affecting me in ways I don't even understand. I have already lost 95% of my adoptive family because of terminating a relationship with my adoptive father because of abuse. Again exceedingly difficult to cope with. The only people who remain in my life are my mother and my sister. My mother suffers with horrible homophobia. Both are still in contact with the family who do not speak with me. Although all these loses happened over the last two years I can't imagine one more loss. Im sure all these things contribute to at least part of my anguish. ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2013 at 07:59 PM ---------- Thank you so much for all your kindness ((())) ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2013 at 08:07 PM ---------- Xo
