Hello all, My profile pretty much sums it up. I am bisexual and not afraid to admit it to myself anymore. I was confused through my teens and twenties, started to understand in my thirties, and am finally on my way to acceptance in my early forties. I am currently in a heterosexual marriage. It is my second. Through my first marriage I have an adult son. He is now in his second year of university studying political sciences (sigh ). My first marriage fell apart for many reasons but two of the most significant were over confusion about my sexuality and a later act of infidelity. The latter was on both of us with the same person - talk about your cads. My confusion has been on labels. I thought that if I was sexually attracted to men and women that I was actually gay and just staying closeted out of ... cowardice. I think that's the opposite of what most gay/bi men may feel. That is, I think most men may feel a need to stay closeted while I felt an obligation to not stay closeted. A duty, if you will, to unite with and stand up for the LGBTQ community. After an affair with a male friend of mine -who also had an affair with my wife- I resigned to believing I was gay and came out to my wife, mother, and some online friends. It was very difficult to share with all of them. My wife was upset but not as much as my mother. Yikes. Mom said, "Do you mean to tell me that you are 100% uncontrollably sexually attracted to men?" Uncontrollably, I thought? That choice of words says something, right? An insinuation that I could somehow wrangle in control of my attractions? My wife cried but she seemed to resign rather quickly to what I had shared. When I met my current wife she thought I was gay. Why wouldn't she? That's what I told her. Our friendship soon turned into a romantic one and we married in 2002. She believes that sexuality is on a continuum and that most people are bisexual to a certain extent. She has been very understanding and has helped me accept myself through this internal journey (which is far from over). We have many gay friends (and probably bisexual ones, too ... we just may not know it). Most are lesbian couples with children. We have gay male friends who are also married and have children. It's not that unusual here in Southern California; especially in the L.A. area. But as much as we support the LGBTQ community both personally and politically I still feel a disconnect with gay men. I feel perceived as a fence sitter. Any other bisexual men here feel the same way? Any gay men feel that way about bisexual men? If so, why? Ironically I haven't asked my real life* friends these questions. I'm afraid of what they may say and how it may effect our relationship. So, there's a tiny autobiographical tome all about me. (It's all about me, right? :rolle Thanks for reading and I will field as many questions as you can lob and gladly receive any similar stories to mine. -dbkoops *I linked to the definition for clarification. I can have real friends on the internet but I wanted to make a distinction here for context.
