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Self Realizations

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Scottsdale, Nov 24, 2013.

  1. Scottsdale

    Scottsdale Guest

    I am a 56-year old male. When I was about 5 or 6, I was watching professional boxers on television, and I recall being absolutely fascinated with the fact they were shirtless. As I became older, say around 10-11, I began to develop an intense curiosity in what other guys would look like without a shirt, and on the occasions when I would find out, remember being excited and often pleasantly surprised. I never had that sort of curiosity with women, and frankly, seeing a woman topless does not do as much for me as seeing an attractive man without a shirt.

    Perhaps the odd thing in all of this, is that I never associated my feelings and attractions with being gay or homosexual. I know it seems hard to believe, but surely, I am not the only person who went through this. Is it denial? Ignorance? Lack of experience?

    Anyway, it was not until I was in my mid-40's that I finally accepted the fact that I find men sexually attractive and that while I can certainly recognize an attractive woman, I am not overly concerned about it. If that makes me gay or homosexual, I guess I am, but I still do not think of myself that way.

    I have not "come out" to others, for several reasons. I am not engaged in a sexual relationship with a man, and if I "came out," people would assume that I am, and that would create the wrong impression. I am a professional, and I move in a circle of friends where admitting such a thing would be a personal and professional disaster. I know that from discussing the issue hypothetically.

    Further, given the mores of our society, a person who is discreet can enjoy a lot of scenery, without ever disclosing his true inclinations.

    At age 56, I grew up in an era when admitting such a thing was unthinkable, so that probably has affected me, but I would be interested in having the thoughts of others on my situation.
     
  2. resu

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