I'm Shawn. I'm 50. I'm somewhere in the middle as far as gender is concerned, and I never heard of anyone like that until a few weeks ago. Then I heard about "genderqueer". At first I couldn't relate. I didn't understand. I didn't know the difference between gender and sex and sexuality. Man vs. male, vs hetero/homo sexual. I see young people embracing a full spectrum of gender in lots of different ways. Frankly I'm jealous. I've felt forced into the "MAN" mold for so long, and I've been acting the part and repressing who I really am for so long. So long that I don't know how to stop. I just slip into "character". I'm the "man" for my wife and kids. I'm the "man" at work where I run a dept. I want to do my job and be a marriage partner and parent, without being a "man". And I don't want to be a woman either. Frankly I'm lost right now. I'm still learning and trying to find my way. I'm looking for communities or people that can help me understand. To help me figure out how to be, without losing everything, and everyone, that knows the "man" I pretend to be. Any words of wisdom are welcome. Thanks Shawn
Welcome to EC! (^_^)^ There are many of us on the site who have gone through similar experiences and struggles in regards to our genders and identities, so you are definitely not alone in that regard. The Welcome Lounge is mainly used for general introductions, but you can find more specific advice and support by making a thread in one of our support forums. The Gender Identity and Expression forum would be the best place to make a thread in regards to dealing with gender issues and confusions; though there is also the LGBT Later in Life forum, in which you may be able to discuss issues with members of older age groups who might be going through similar obstacles that are often faced by LGBTQ who are coming to terms with things at later periods in their life.
I see. I'll head over there for any follow up. Thanks so much for the directions and the welcome . I'm not used to forums so directions are a help. All the best.
let loose and see who you naturally are! I don't know any other way if you look deep inside and don't know who you see. I always knew that I'm a lady though I too was forced to be a man which took a lot of effort too hide the lady inside from the word. The strange part has been everyone accepted her instantly. It has been so much easier being natural, than hiding behind an act. June
Welcome to EC! I know what you mean about playing a role. For many years I was with a woman trying to deny my desire for a man. It hurt both of us when we broke up but at least there were no kids involved. I'm also fifty and frequently check the later in life forum.
Thank you all for the welcomes and the tips. Resu, I know you are right in my head, my heart is afraid of this journey. June, I'm so glad you've found your way "out".
Shawn, I can't say I have any experience to offer up in this particular issue but I work with a type of life coaching that is all about supporting people in just allowing themselves to BE with what is, in them, around them, what it brings up in them etc etc .. .. just supporting people and creating safe space for them to explore those things in and see what wants to be seen and heard. This place feels like exactly that sort of safe space to me though I just found it as well. I offer you encouragement to let yourself relax into this space and allow yourself to gently explore the things that have been wanting attention for a long while. In my experience, doing so may not always be easy but it's always worth it. Best wishes for your journey!
Deciding to begin is farther than many folks ever go. I'd suggest creating a heavily secured diary using the best crypto you have on a keylogger resistant machine- and have a dialog with your self. Dissonance between self-images and situations can be resolved in many ways .Don't forget that you can change your INTERNAL imagery as you need for comfort and no one needs to know unless their knowing is needful for your comfort. It would be nice indeed if our world grew the hell up so we can be open, but among self-adjustment tools is amused tolerance of their shallow narrowness. YES, folks we love may not be able to accept us as is. All we can do is to remind them that we're still who they fell in love with- just that you learned more about you .and that you want to love them same as always. Being at ownership of your self by having a secure diary to gather your thoughts can help you work out what and when to say or not. Consider it a process tool for sandboxing your exploring self. And when others say something you need to save for later processing- or YOU have thoughts needing review- that safe diary can be an emotional lifeboat's lockbox:>
