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Hi there :) and maybe advice on coming out?

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Aiko, Dec 26, 2013.

  1. Aiko

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    Hi everyone.
    This community seems to be a great place, I've been lurking for about a week now and thought it was time for me to introduce myself.
    I don't feel comfortable telling my real name so it will be Aiko for now. I'm planning on writing a book and she's most important character. I also just write a lot of little fantasy stories and scenes.
    My favourite things to do are drawing fantasy creatures (semi-realistic), writing stories and the internet.
    But what got me on this forum? Well, about a year ago I started to develop feelings for women as well as men. I was in total denial, I felt depressed about it. I was extremely confused about it. I kept telling myself: 'It's just a phase, it'll go away.' And I kept ignoring my real feelings. It wasn't a phase at all.
    About 7-8 months ago I also started to feel more than just friendship for my (closest) best friend S (I have two best friends, S and J). Everytime I just totally ignored the feelings and they faded away, but then always came back. She knew I was a bit down back then and always tried to give me advice even though she didn't know what the problem was.
    About 4 months ago I finally realized what was really going on with me, I was bisexual and you can't change that fact. But yet, I still couldn't face my problems and accept myself for who I truly am. A month ago, I came out to my mother and she said she didn't care if I was either straight, bi or gay, she will always love me for who I am.
    And then finally, about a week ago, I accepted myself. I am really happy right now.
    S knew all the time I had a problem and that I've finally accepted it, and she deserves to know that I'm bi. But how do I tell her without her thinking that I've falling deeply in love? I know that's the truth, but I know for sure that might be too much of a shock and too much of a 'change of the world' for her. Me, S and J are a group of best friends who get a long great, me and S being the closest to each other and J being the only one who has friends out of this circle... (Sounds kinda pathetic haha)
    Me and S talk all the time on Skype, and on school we basicly sit next to each other all the time. We are really close, know everything about each other. Would feel lonely without each other. So I don't want to risk anything. I already left al kinds of hints so she might even have an idea of what's going on. I joked one day about me having 'homophobophobia' and that's still funny to S and J. I also said when I had accepted my 'problem' that I felt rainbowy just as a reference to feeling happy.
    Some advice would be great! Thanks in advantage!

    (Oh, and feel free to ask anything about me!)
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    Welcome to EC! Unless you're over-the-top flirty with S, I doubt it's obvious to her that you have feelings for her. So if you want to come out to her, come out and leave it at that. If she asks about your crushes, you can lie and just say that this is all so new to you and you're still figuring that out. You could also start with J and see how she reacts before you come out to S.
     
  3. Aiko

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    Thanks :slight_smile:.
    I feel more comfortable around S so I'll come out to her first and then J. I'll only tell either of them more about my crushes if they ask for it, otherwise not.
     
  4. lovely lesbian

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  5. Myhipsdolie

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    Hello and welcome to EC! :grin:
     
  6. girlonfire

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    Hey there! Welcome. I would say just tell her you're bi, and then if you can't hold it in any longer and think she'll be ok with it then go ahead and risk telling her about your crush. If you two are really that close it might not change that much. How has she coped with guys, if she's ever been asked out?
     
  7. Silver Sparrow

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    Welcome to EC!
    I don't think you need to couple coming out to your friend with an admission of love. They can be separate things.
    Good luck!
     
  8. FlaminFlamingos

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    Hey there! Unfortunately I cannot give you much advice with your relationship issues, not my forte :/ BUT! I do excel in English and if you wouldn't mind I'd love to have a look at your book when you begin drafting! PM me :grin:
     
  9. Wasp

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    Hello Aiko!
    I have a crush on a friend too though she seems pretty straight to me... Just remember that even though you're best friends and she accepts you of what you are, it doesn't mean that she'll date you.
    Maybe you should come out to her, because she seems accepting, and then see what happens next?
     
  10. Hopefilled

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    Writing about someone you have emotional energies :for: can affect both the writing and the relationship's dynamics. I have deepest empathy for how much indecision can saturate letting such thoughts out of brain into text or drawings:>

    There's no shame in owning your feelings and tapping them for creative works is supposed to be viewed as an HONOR by others. If it's scary to let them know? Take that energy too as something good. Look at your desired person as a muse. To be cherished even if you never become bedmates.

    Do you feel they will fall for you if you craft the romance in your arts- or do you fear rejection? The answer is 50% in them more than you of course.

    I'd say that pouring your soul and love into the arts may be your best course. That comes from my decided bias towards literary art, and an AWE of drawing talent. Besides- even if they don't love you for you- even if they are not appreciative of your art nor words- YOU will have applied your emotions to arts.

    And it's Darned romantic of you to show them your feelings in your arts- maybe they will see you as you are.. BEST of wishes on your loves and arts..
     
  11. Aiko

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    Thanks everyone! I'll try to response in one post.

    S never hangs out with anyone else than me and J. She is introverted, just like me.
    I guess I'll only tell her about the fact I'm bi, after that, only if she had suspicions and asks about it, I'll tell her the rest.
    I indeed draw and write about all my feelings, and always show them to S and J and they think they're great.
    For the ones who want to know, Aiko represents me in the stories I write and most of the time Mika represents her. Not all the time of course, I often see them as 'just' great characters too.
    Starting a book is really hard you know, do I want to start at the beginning of everything in chronical order or do I want to start in the middle of it all and have flashbacks, which is really cool too?
     
  12. Aiko

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    Okay. I did it. I told her.
    It was ok. She was totally fine with it, like, nothing changed at all.
    It really feels like the weight on my shoulders is gone now, I'm free. Does anyone relate?
    I feel content, happy.
     
  13. toushirojaylee

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    Hi and welcome to EC!
     
  14. LadyApp

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    If the signs are there for that person to read them and seems like are being ignored, probably that might be the sign for you to let that person know you won't be there forever waiting till her wake up call. Remember, you found who you are, who you want to be, with that being said she must find out wether tp be with you and under what terms. Welcome!!