Just wanted to say hello and introduce myself a little. Almost a year ago now my world turned upside down. After a couple of years of really longing for love and getting pretty focused about what it was I really truly wanted in a partner I found myself in a very unexpected situation. I have had a 9 year marriage that ended in divorce and a 4 year straight partnership which brought me to Sweden and made me a mamma and suddenly two years after that partnership ended I found myself facing a crucial crossroads. Quite suddenly what I had been longing for was staring me in the face but the packaging was not what I expected. Having grown up in a very conservative small town and a Holy Roller christian family it was never a thought in my mind or a possibility in my realm of imagination that I might ever fall in love with a woman, never mind be gay. It simply wasn't an option, even if I long ago stepped out of the bounds of my childhood reality .. . .the conditioning was that strong. So there I was and there was what I'd been asking for but all those qualities were packaged in a woman. I realized that the packaging had never been one of my wishlist items so it would be the height of stupidity to say 'no thanks' because of it. I leapt and I fell deeply deeply in love. I came out to my whole family and most of my friends about my relationship but it was very much about being in love with another person. This summer I had to step out of the relationship but I am still very much in love with her. I don't know what will happen in the end there. . . . but the space this step has created has given me needed room in which to reflect on many things and I realize that I have been very much the ugly duckling. Suddenly so much makes so much sense but there is still much that is less than crystal clear. I went home to the states for Thanksgiving now and faced my family as ME without a partner to cling to. It went ok, they tried, it was awkward, I got rainbow colored duct tape from my step dad. I think however that this was crucial. I needed to do this for me and not for her. I can face any storm, any fire, any demon for someone I love but here I was, just little ole me and I had to be my own loved one and stand in my own truth. Always a good thing. ^_^ Anyhow, I feel grateful for finding this place because I feel super wobbly and just usure of my footing in the whole 'gay world' since I grew up totally assuming I was straight. I went to a big party in Stockholm when my girlfriend and I were together and I felt certain that I'd walk in and 300 scandanavian lesbians would stop and point at me and laugh and go 'What's SHE doing here? and who does she think SHE is?' There are still so many things that need time to settle into place in my upside down, finally right side up world and it feels great to be able to browse and read that I'm not alone in all the pondering and reflecting. THANK you all for being here and for being YOU and for every moment of your journey here! Looking forward to meeting you!
Hey! Well, I'm sure you'll be right at home here. You'll find what you're looking for. A lot of people have been in your situation, believe it or not. EC has everything you'll need; Friendly people, helpful threads and a good balance of serious and fun. ^__^ Welcome!
