Hi, everyone! I'm Midnight Winds. I'm 19 y/o, Brazilian, female, lesbian but curious. Nice to meet you! Lesbian but curious? Yeah, that's it. I know I like women, I just don't know if (and don't think that) I like men. Not that complicated, I suppose. The really complicated stuff is my closet thing. In my childhood, I had about two or three boy crushes, that ended up with the boys becoming great friends of mine. And I had girl crushes, that were kind of different. I didn't mind the boys shared their attention with other people, but I was quite jealous of the girls. Then in high school I met that girl that made me find out what true love was. I'm kind of slow, really slow, when it comes to relationships. It took me about to months to realize I had a crush on her, another one to realize this was more than my average girl crush (that was already more than my average boy crush), then about ten months for me to understand and accept the fact that I liked girls in a way I was only supposed to like boys. She also liked girls, and we could've had a wonderful relationship together, but stupid head here wanted to tell my mom the truth before even kissing the girl. Thing is, my mom always said she wouldn't mind if I had a girlfriend, and I trusted her. Thing is, she almost expelled me from home, she forbade me from talking to the girl and, for over two years, called me the worst things a human being can call another. I kind of understand that she was worried about my safety and my future, but it seemed back then that she was only concerned about what other people would say about our family if there was a bi (I thought I was bi back in 2010) kid in the house. So, being an unemployed and underage girl, I had little choice other than to go back to the closet and regret never kissing my first love. I spent about two years trying to "prove" I was straight to end the verbal abuse at home, and got a boyfriend in my first year in college. The relationship didn't last long, since he wanted to kiss me all the time and I found kissing him a disgusting thing. Still, it was enough to make mom "forget" about everything. And now I've fallen for a girl again. A friend whose sexuality I don't know yet. In the last not-so-few months, I've been thinking, pondering, contemplating the feeling and myself. Now I'm employed, no longer underage, more mature and quite more sure of who I am. This time, when I come out of the closet, I won't have to go back, nevermore. Still, I'm waiting to at least kiss a girl for the first time, or establish a relationship, and making sure my budget allows me to live on rent, shall I no longer be welcome at home. I'm here to seek help and become a stronger person, yes, but also to help others who are in the same situation I was - and kind of still am. It is a pleasure to know each and every one of you, and the EC community as a whole.(&&&)
Really nice introduction; I hope that the future for you is far brighter than your past, and... if you have any questions or problems, feel free to come and "message" any time
