Hello there! So- I am new here. Joined five minutes ago. Realized I might be gay two days ago. I'm definitely confused, and I could use some help and support. In the following ramble, I'm going to babble about my life, which is probably dull and stereotypical... But if you're willing to read through it and help me figure out my next step, I'd certainly be grateful. I have been an advocate for gay rights since I was old enough to understand that they were in danger. Many of my closest friends are gay men. And I have always considered myself a straight, romantic asexual - interested in flirting with and kissing men, but nothing further. The idea of having sex with a man makes me shudder, as does a long-lasting relationship. I thought this might have come from an awful childhood experience, as a sort of PTSD or the like, because I was raped by a man when I was seven years old, and because I kept that hidden from my family, I never saw a doctor and found out recently that I am no longer able to bear children, where I might have been had I seen a doctor to repair the physical damage. My family, all four siblings and both parents, have expressed their feelings that it's okay if I am a lesbian. While the support was nice, I simply wasn't interested in girls. I was the straight girl that hung out with gay guys. I slept in the same bed as gay men, and felt completely comfortable. And I have had crushes on guys. Many, many crushes on guys. But whenever I would get asked on a date, or the one time I kissed a guy, I would get this awful sick feeling and get out of the situation as fast as possible. Again, I figured it was result of the childhood trauma and I would just have to work through it before I could have a functional relationship with a guy. And then... I found this girl. She is my co-worker, a completely out and confident lesbian. She is... Well, she's brave and funny and vulnerable and kind and I have wanted to be her friend since she started working with me seven months ago but only a few days ago did I realize that I am attracted to her. That the thought of kissing her, holding her, being in a relationship with her... It doesn't scare me the way those things scare me with anyone else- male or female. So maybe I'm not asexual or "damaged" - maybe I'm just gay. Right? :help:
