Hello! I have landed on this forum to find some support. I went to another forum at first and decided it was too soon to talk about the things I need to talk about. I am a straight 34 y/o female (natural), with two children (3y & 6mos, both boys). My "husband" came out to me about 5 months ago now, that he is transgender and wants to become a female. Things have been rough since then. First, I thought I would handle it. I supported him(her) and encouraged him(her) to try new things, like makeup, clothes, etc. Then one day it all snapped and I just couldn't handle it and I broke down. It could have been postpartum hormones because I wasn't even 6 weeks past having a baby... it could have been stress or exhaustion... but I just couldn't handle it any more. I went off on him(her) and decided I would need to divorce him(her). We spent several weeks barely talking and very upset with the world, both of us distraught over our situation. Then we sat down and decided we could find some middle ground, some way to work things out. We tried for a little while, and it came back to divorce. So, here I am. I need support. I would love to hear some perspective from some mtf transgendered persons (who are not the man I married), to get some outside discussion, and I really hope to find a couple other wives who are in this situation with their "husband" and see how they are handling it, what occurred, what decisions they made, etc. My biggest hurdle is not love - I love him(her), always have, always will, still do - it's attraction. Since coming out and changing the way he(she) dresses and acts and grooms, etc., I have had zero attraction to him(her). I may love him(her) but I feel like I cannot be in a marriage where there is no affection because one party is turned off by the other one. It's frustrating and sad.
Welcome to EC, your situation sounds super tough so I don't know if my opinion really applies but like I wouldn't settle for less if it's making you unhappy, like I understand having to consider the feelings of others but I really don't see it improving if their's no attraction involved, at best it'd be like roommates or best friends.
Thanks Rainbow, you're right, at the end of the day it's a question of what will make us happy... He(she) tends to refer to his(her) life as "my nightmare", says he(she) dreams that we're back to how we used to be before he came out, and then he wakes up in his nightmare... I hate that, it breaks my heart.
That would be really hard, but like even if you can't work it out you two could still be really good friends in fact it might even make you closer? The distance created by the situation is clearly showing if he's dreaming about it and it's hurting both of you but I don't think it can change without some sort of change happening.
just read your post Your husbnd couldnt of hit with this at a better time? 6 weeks after you had baby, hmm I can feel fro both of you as I am like your husband but I was upfront with my wife so far things are going well with us if you need to talk we are all here for you
