Hello

So i'm new and its all still a little odd.
My name is Tom, i'm still very much in the questioning stage but i know I'm at least not 100% straight. I am a graphic design major in college but looking into animation a 3D computer sculpt as well.

My sexuality has never been at the forefront of my mind with so many other things to look at in my life. I went to catholic school for 17 years of my life until college, so the idea of LGBT was just not taught or thought about all that much. Growing up i was bullied not for my sexuality but for my weight, i was a big kid and when your nickname is your scale number looking for a romance was not on my mind. What being a loner (not always by choice) did was it allowed me to develop my skill in art its was the one thing that made me happy. i was for lack of better terms forced into football in high school at 6 foot 3 coaches wanted me on the team. I don't regret it i lost weight learned how to better take care of my body and was able to fight bullies. It was not until freshman year of college that i had lost most of my weight and was happy with my shape. Now in college i wanted something more i saw my older brother getting more involved with his GF (soon to be wife) and i wanted something like that but when i looked at girls i just kinda felt ... nothing but friendship. I could talk to them better then most guys but, it was never romantic. I gossip, I joke, I debate, but nothing ever turned me on about them.

This confused me but it was just never something i looked deep enough into. Well until last year, I was diagnosed with cancer treated by the best doctors in the world and now I am cancer free but in that time i got to have a deep long look at myself who i was the product of "be a man" "toughen up" I had to fight bullies, wall myself off from emotions don't let them get to you, but, when you see death look you in the face even for a short minute you see a lot of stuff you did not think about and one was why don't i feel that connection with women. Now it was not like i got out of the O.R. ready to accept that but as time went on i started doing research and after the thought of "well, what if i'm gay" popped into my head it got me to see the world a little differently things i did and looked at made a lot more sense. I started to notice that all these things guys say about girls i felt about guys sure i did "like" girls but when your raised a certain way and a girl gave me the time of day in middle school and high school i thought yep this is love but looking back i was just glad someone was actually talking to me out side of my group of nerds. i'm still not 100% willing to accept it but it makes sense

On a more "hello" topic I'm also a gamer currently QA testing games under contract that I'm not aloud to talk about:icon_wink. I'm into all things nerdy from MMO's to D&D. I'm a through and through Jersey boy (sorry) and at the core of it all i like to think i'm a little down to earth. Can't wait to try and find out more about my sexuality and who i am and hopefully you can help me on that path.

 

Thank you both, Rainbow don't feel bad for what others did to me, because i don't and don't put blame on yourself for errors in judgment looking back it made me who i am for better and worse

 

yeah QA is fun, unfortunately i do not get paid but it puts me in touch with Developers and opens doors for me out of college plus most of the devs buy me games and that's what i would end up spending the money on so it works out.
And pheniox a fellow Graphic Designer how many types of type faces have you memorized? has it driven you crazy yet