I don't know if this is the place for biographies, but I guess this is an introduction: I'm 26, female but have never felt comfortable as a "woman." I came out as bisexual when I was thirteen. I've known since I was a kid. My first feelings were for girls, followed by feelings for boys (which felt forced at first, but I always felt more like "one of the guys" so I didn't get nervous talking to boys--girls made me very nervous). I tried really hard to be girly and fit in, because I was afraid if I was a lesbian I'd never get married or have the option of having children. Had relationships with boys until I fell in love hard with a girl when I was 14. From 14 to 17 I called myself gay. Then had another long relationship with a boy, but we didn't have sex so I wasn't sure I had turned straight again--I called myself asexual during those years. Eventually I did have a sexual relationship with another boy, so I called myself bi again. Then, because I wanted to date girls again (and lesbians hate bisexuals!) I had to call myself gay again. Now, after breaking a lot of hearts and getting my heart broken a lot, I am married to a man. I love him deeply and I'm not sure what I am now. He's much older than me and we are not going to have children. Since we've been together I have hooked up with an ex-girlfriend but because it's become hip to say "bisexuality doesn't exist" I felt like it somehow didn't count. Now I am monogamous and content. So. There that is. Having identified for so many years with the LGBT community, having so many queer friends, it's been very difficult for me to adjust to living incognito in the straight world now that I'm married to a man and have to be careful with his family not only about hiding my past life but about keeping my gender presentation feminine enough that I don't disturb them. The pronoun game just never stops for bisexuals! I've been living in closets my whole life--and like most bisexuals, I've got two closets. Not very comfortable. Thanks for listening. -Sprite
Hi there! Welcome to the site! For me labels don't matter much although to the world I identify as a straight woman but to myself I identify as a lesbian. Since I'm hetero married I feel that, even once I am exclusively with women, the less aware will either assume that I'm not really a lesbian but am bi or will refuse to understand so I think I understand a bit of what you've gone through even if we got here different ways. I guess the question is whether you're trying to label yourself for your own sake or that of others. I won't say to your own self be true and forget everyone else because that might not be the right path for you. And it's totally okay for you to change your identity as often as you need to! Again welcome!
Thank you all, especially Wildclover--it's nice to hear that other people have struggled with labels and changing identities over time. I always tell people I was born without a map. If it were simple, I wouldn't be here! Thanks again for the warm welcome.
