I am a 56-year old male. When I was about 5 or 6, I was watching professional boxers on television, and I recall being absolutely fascinated with the fact they were shirtless. As I became older, say around 10-11, I began to develop an intense curiosity in what other guys would look like without a shirt, and on the occasions when I would find out, remember being excited and often pleasantly surprised. I never had that sort of curiosity with women, and frankly, seeing a woman topless does not do as much for me as seeing an attractive man without a shirt. Perhaps the odd thing in all of this, is that I never associated my feelings and attractions with being gay or homosexual. I know it seems hard to believe, but surely, I am not the only person who went through this. Is it denial? Ignorance? Lack of experience? Anyway, it was not until I was in my mid-40's that I finally accepted the fact that I find men sexually attractive and that while I can certainly recognize an attractive woman, I am not overly concerned about it. If that makes me gay or homosexual, I guess I am, but I still do not think of myself that way. I have not "come out" to others, for several reasons. I am not engaged in a sexual relationship with a man, and if I "came out," people would assume that I am, and that would create the wrong impression. I am a professional, and I move in a circle of friends where admitting such a thing would be a personal and professional disaster. I know that from discussing the issue hypothetically. Further, given the mores of our society, a person who is discreet can enjoy a lot of scenery, since it is generally permissible for men to be shirtless in public, without ever disclosing his true inclinations. At age 56, I grew up in an era when admitting such a thing was unthinkable, so that probably has affected me, but I would be interested in having the thoughts of others on my situation.
Hello and welcome to the forum. You're in the right place to start asking these questions and, with time, fully accepting yourself and finding the right path for you. For now it sounds like you're fairly "stuck" but every day more people become increasingly more comfortable working with openly homosexual co-workers and business partners. I often find that people tend to be more harsh in hypothetical conversation than they are when actually confronted with someone they care about but that is only my experience and perception. Just dying give up hope of being able to live openly if that's what you want at some point in your future. Mosey on over to the "Later in Life" section of the forum if you haven't yet already. There are some fantastic folks who've gone through similar experiences and can give great insight. Good luck!
