Hi people, I am 25 (male), from England and have considered myself to be straight for my whole life (apart from an occasional fleeting moment of pubescent pondering). I was always sexually drawn to girls and currently have a girlfriend, we've been together for a year and a half. I'm confused as to whether this is an issue of masculinity or sexuality to be honest. I feel that I'm drawn to things that society considers 'gay' or at least don't fit in with a Conservative ideal of 'manliness' - whatever that is?! I'm drawn to gay guys as people on a social level but have never had any sexual experiences with guys. I feel that maybe I'm suppressing a homo/bisexuality on some level... I'm five years clean in recovery from drug addiction and so I'm aware I have a tendency to self sabotage and wonder if maybe that's what I'm doing with my current relationship which has brought me happiness at times but ultimately isn't working on any consistent level for me any more (for various reasons I'm sure). I know I'm really drawn to guys but I always thought it was more because I wanted to be like them rather than with them. I'm just really confused/anxious/excited/apprehensive... a mixed bag! Any insight or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks, Sam
I think that there could be multiple answers to this question and answering with the right one would require me to understand the physics of human attraction, which is too complicated for really anyone to understand fully. But here's what I think: I think that regardless of who you've been with, there could be a part of you that is slightly attracted to men. Understand that I said "could". I kind of know where you're coming from with this because I had been with guys before, trying to suppress my attraction to women, but my attraction for the same sex was very prominent to me. I think it varies from person to person. I mean, I've known people who don't understand their attraction towards the same sex until they are already married. Granted, that would suck and be very frustrating and hard, but I think that it's not necessarily wrong for the to happen. It's perfectly okay and, yeah, you may be scared about it now (and definitely confused), but there's going to be a time where all of this makes sense to you. I would recommend talking to someone about it-- someone who can actually, physically help you. I wish you the best of luck, sincerely I do. And you can always ask me for advice whenever you need it-- even if I'm not the best at it.
Hi there and welcome to the forums. No matter how you look at it at least you can say you have an open mind toward the LGBT community and aren't opposed to gaining more insight into what makes you tick. If your current relationship isn't making you happy what are your plans for that? Perhaps once you step away from that relationship you have a clearer view into the thoughts and issues you're concerned about. I understand the "self sabotage" that we can do to ourselves sometimes. Just try to take on one thing at a time. Hang in there and keep posting!
