I'm in high school right now. I've been at war with myself for the past several years about my sexuality. I'm fairly certain I'm a lesbian, but the thing is, I've never dated anyone. I am terrified of talking to any of my friends because I don't want them to view me differently. It's not that they won't be accepting- the majority of them are theatre kids and my school is very accepting. I'm an extremely affectionate person. I always hug people, I kiss them on the cheek, etc. Everyone views me as their little sister. Even some of the underclassmen. I've never had feelings for anyone. I rarely feel any sexual attraction towards anyone. Sure, there are some gorgeous guys at school, one would have to be blind not to see that, but I don't have that feeling toward them. I see girls (not usually at school) and they're just so much more appealing to me. Like, I could compare equally attractive people of the opposite gender, and more than likely I'd choose the woman. When I look back on my life, it just makes so much sense, honestly. I just don't know what to do. I just need someone I can be myself with. One person. Want to know that I can hug them and cuddle (yes, "affectionate" means also I cuddle people) with them when I hang out with them and know that they won't get awkward. I've never had any problems with gays. I've been raised with a close family relative that was gay, so I was used to it early on. When people I know were afraid of coming out, I never knew why, but I guess I know now... Anyways, thanks for reading this. I know it's super long, so I'm sorry. If anyone is willing to talk with me, and be my pen-pal of sorts, I'd be forever grateful.
I know how you feel. When you first discern your sexuality, there's this desire to finally be who you really are. You want to feel the feelings that you naturally feel, not the ones that people around you have made you feel for your entire adolescence at school. It's tough to find that person who is open to affection without something more, or who will take you for who you are. My advice is that you try to become more comfortable with the idea of being out. Then you'll have better chances of finding someone who will accept you for who you are, even if they aren't seeking a relationship. Even then - you might get a relationship out of it. Until then, I'm always open to chatting on each other's wall.
Hello and welcome to the forums. Just remember that you only need to take this one day at a time and one person at a time. It's great that you have a community of peers who are accepting. It's there anyone within your peer group that is openly out? Some people may treat you differently after you come out. There may be other women who are uncomfortable with your affectionate displays but there also may be plenty of gals who totally get that you're friends and that you're not trying to make moves on them. Until you come out you won't know for sure how people will react. When I was in high school we only had a couple of openly gay guys and we were always trying to help them find guys for them when we were out at school events (I was a theatre chick as well and did a lot of traveling with the various performing arts teams) so we were super supportive. Hang around and keep posting. Let us know how things go and just give a shout if I can help or if you need to chat!
There are actually quite a few people that are open about being gay or lesbian in our group. Our school is one of the most accepting within our state. Not saying everyone here is, but no one is hardcore bullied about it as far as I know. But of course, I only found out recently that a few guys in my history class, guys that I didn't expect, were homophobic. But hey, that's life I suppose. I don't think I'm ready to share with others just yet. I've told people before that love is love and it doesn't really matter to me, but I don't think they really took it seriously at the time. It's alright though. I really want to accept it myself first and be certain before I share with anyone. Just to share with people on here makes me feel a bit better. The fact that you guys are welcoming me and talking with me is really helpful. I saw a performance at another school recently. I remember thinking that one of the performers was really pretty. We spoke a bit afterwards and she told me that she was planning on seeing our show in a couple weeks, so I'm hoping I can talk to her again. Not to try anything, just to be friends. Thanks again everyone!! I don't feel so alone anymore (*hug*) *edited because my brain is fried
