I was first attracted to girls, and came out of the closet when I was in 8th grade in front of my whole class during our lunch break. Most of my family were accepting, my friends could care less, and my small town had to lock their daughters away. Things changed when my first kiss, my first serious(ish) relationship came along and ripped my heart out of my chest. It took me about three years to get fully over her, I started dating guys immediately after that. I ditched all my old friends, told my family members and new friends it was all a silly phase and since I never had sex with a woman and did a man, I was not gay. I shouted and screamed I was straight, fooled around with quiet a few guys to make my point. Lately, this thing inside me is coming out, I never stopped being attracted to women. I watch more lesbian porn than any of my guyfriends, when I am having sex with my male lover I dream of women. I am just so confused. Now I am engaged to a man, and wondering if I am lesbian. Help...
Only you can define your sexuality, but I agree, it would be nice to have a magical label decider. Good luck!
What she said, exactly. BTW, did I read this correctly, you started sleeping with guys because of a bad breakup with a girl, and that you think of girls when you have sex with guys? Because if that's the case, does your fiance know? You should be honest with him. Relationships breaking up, particulary first ones, is something that happens in straight or gay relationships, it doesn't mean you should do something you don't enjoy. Although I'm not a good one to talk, I started to date guys after my first break up (couldn't bring myself to actually have sex with them, but I tried my best) Eventually though, I realized that my orientation didn't change merely because of a single relationship that didn't work out.
Yes, you read that right. I might have worded it awkwardly because this is a whole new step for me, no one I know has any idea how bad it actually is. I am completely terrified. I love my fiancé in a non-sexual way, I suppose. We have two dogs together, planning a wedding together, and ect. I feel like being honest with him... is not a possibility.
this is a whole new step for me, no one I know has any idea how bad it actually is. I am completely terrified. I love my fiancé in a non-sexual way, I suppose. One of the good things about this site is there are people on here who could give you perspective, and maybe advice. Some have gone through the same thing, including getting married, having children, but living a lie. I think it's perfectly possible to love someone in a non sexual way. There was a guy in HS that I loved like my brother, but not like a lover. How does your fiance feel about gays and lesbians in general?
My fiancé is actually homophobic, so it makes things quiet tense. I have always been an ally to the LGBT community. I have more rainbow friends than I do straight ones, but he does not approve of them or their lifestyle. I often joke I may be gay, because more women hit on me than men (I guess they smell it on me haha) and he just gets so mad about it. It makes me coming out even harder, especially since I feel like I am already too deep into this lie. But I do appreciate all advice, sincerely.
Welcome to the forums! As someone who has been hetero married for over 10 years and I'm definitely not hetero I can tell you that you'll be better off being honest with yourself and the long term viability of your relationship. You absolutely do not need to tell him you're attracted to women. People break off relationships all the time. Your only reason needs to be that it isn't right for you. A little pain and sadness now well save you a lot later! Good luck and keep posting!
Thank you so much, I am just thankful I found this site and got to read everyone's advice/stories. I am starting to see that it would be best for not only me but my fiancé too if I come clean before I get too lost; although I am still looking for the courage to do it face to face. I will be sure to keep posting, everyone is so nice here.
As a gay man who has been married for the past 5 years I would suggest you don't put yourself through the torture. It is extremely difficult to get out of it once you get married and stronger emotions are involved. The more time you spend with him the harder it will get. Even if you aren't in love with him you will start loving him too much to hurt him by ending the relationship later which will be torturous for you and he won't be able to understand what you are going through.
True, we are supposed to be venue shopping in June. I am debating on when to break the news to him, I first want to come (back) out to my family, I think it will break their hearts; because they truly adore him. I want to feel the love I am supposed to, and I have no clue why I got engaged in the first place. It is all so surreal. I am so glad I found this site, the advice and stories are truly helping me slowly build courage to who I am.
My advice would be to be honest now. I fell in love with my husband and thought It would last for ever. 19 years later the pressures of life took it's toll and I started to think about my sexuality again. Now there are 2 children, a business a house and a dog to consider. My husband is also homophobic although he has improved lately. Don't get me wrong I have enjoyed my life with him and as I am Bisexual I told myself it didn't matter I hadn't experienced a relationship with a woman as I truly loved him. But now I need to be myself and it' so difficult. You sound like you know now that getting married wouldn't be right for you. Even though people may get hurt now honesty will save you so much more pain in the future. Be brave my friend, here if you need to talk. Good luck x (*hug*)
I want to be honest, but how do I take the first step? (Or is this website my first step?) My fiancé is actually homophobic as well, so my fears about that are worrying me. Thank you so much for your advice, I need more and more and more of advice from everyone. I am scared I might chicken out and get married and do what everyone else did (not being offensive) and start questioning my life choices. I mean I only get one life, I want to be with women, or well me being gay does not change the fact I am a hopeless romantic... can I still be a wife, if I have a wife? I just want that happily ever after, just not with a guy. I guess.
