Hello, "I don't know" pretty much sums up everything I'm feeling at the moment. Confusion is rife. I'm 21 years old and for as long as I can remember I've been attracted to women. At the time I just fobbed it off as a "girl crush" or a phases I was going through. I've always dismissed it. Perhaps that was due to me wanting to trying to cling onto "normal", to what my family and everyone around me had always told me my future would be and involve. After years of ignoring and quashing these emotions I can't anymore. These aren't fleeting attractions, they aren't going away if anything they're getting more intense and harder to hide. I don't just have a physical attraction to women, I genuinely feel attracted to them on every level and aspect. I've never met a man yet who's been able to give me that warm fuzzy feeling in my belly and make me smile every time I see them. There has been women though. Again though I've never acted on any of these feelings because,well that would be acceptance. Acceptance is a big issue I've realised. Not in terms of how my family or friends would react, they're all good people. I wouldn't be friends with them or acknowledge them as family if I felt otherise(even when I was convincing myself I was straight and this was a phase). The issue is I can't bring myself to accept it. I can't admit and accept who I am and it's an awful feeling. Coming it is increasingly in the forefront of my mind and I've came close to mentioning it to my best friend several times but I chicken out. I can't do it. It's like there's a wall that gets built in the 0.2secs between the words forming in my head and getting to my mouth. I'm not someone who ever speaks about my crushes or sex or anything with friends (they probably think it's just cos I'm a prude or something). Really it's because I don't want to get myself into a situation where I have to put on the "Yeah I fancy him" front..again. So coming out will be even harder as I feel they won't ever be expecting it. Basically I just need advice. I want to know if I'm alone and if anyone has been through this too. Thank you. BananaB
I understand what you're going through, you're definitely not alone. I have recently discovered my attraction to girls, and told myself it was just a phase. My hiding is making me miserable, and I've started to tell myself maybe I really am a lesbian. I'm in the same boat as you do its hard for new to give good advice, but i just wanted you to know that you aren't alone(*hug*)
Thank you. I have so many emotions and most of them center around fear right now it's unreal. I'm scared of what will happen if I come out, will it change people's reaction to me? Will it change nothing? Will I change? What does it mean for my future? Is this really who I am? I feel like someone's put all my feelings in a blender and hit it to high. Recently I've just found it's gotten worse. I think that's because it was probably only this week that I truly accepted that this isn't a phase, these are real. I can probably even pin point that moment down to a minute. I just, don't know....
Its scary just how much I truly understand. Today dead the first time I forced myself to look in the mirror and say that this is me. I haven't told my parents our friends and its tearing me up inside. I hope you feel better and learn to accept yourself. You are a beautiful and unique human being.
You know I thought I was alone. I'm so glad I'm not. I haven't even said it out loud to myself yet. Hopefully joining here is my first step. I can't keep it locked up anymore, it's gnawing away inside me and getting worse everyday. You never know, maybe we'll find ourselves out at the same time. Thanks for the support. I really needed it tonight.
Hi and welcome to this forum! Yet again your not alone! Acceptance is the first step to true happiness. If others can't accept it, fine, but no one can make you happy without your consent. It all starts with you. Continue on this journey of finding yourself, the reward will be worth the initial confusion and shame, but that will go away. Life gets better! (*hug*)
Welcome to the forum Sometimes these things take time. It really depends on if you are accepting of your urges. Good luck with everything
I feel ya. When I was younger I tried to convince myself that I was asexual because I couldn't stand the stigma that comes with being homosexual and I wasn't willing to pretend to be straight. I thought it would be more moral to have no sexual attraction than to have sexual attraction towards women. I soon realized that trying to be something I'm not was not worth the approval others and embaced my lesbian identity... well, kinda... To this day I still have trouble accepting myself, so I know how much it sucks. Welcome to EC! (!)
Welcome to EC! Self-acceptance is a long and difficult process, but it can be done in the end. But you've come to the right place; you can find a lot of support here to help you.
BananaB, You aren't alone in your feelings. I'm nearly 58 and just coming out. My soon to be ex is supporting me in this decision and has for some time, as is my son and his family. (My son's father passed away.) Be true to yourself, don't feel like you need to stand on a rooftop and shout, Leonardo Caprio-like "I'm Gay!" to the world. Take one step at a time and savor each moment, my dear, for noe is more beautiful than when he or she is shining in the glow of their true selves.
I love this post!!! Truly, some of the things you say I relate to you right. I feel the same way, I hope you know that today you helped someone by posting this. Thank you.
Hi i'm also new to EC, so welcome. I just read your post and i also wanted to thank you; i've gone my entire adolesence with those same feelings, same worries ("how will they react?" "will they still love me for who i am, not who they want me to be?" "Will they act different twords me?" etc) and frankley, it was a pain! Feeling like your emotions are being raveged by Katrina after acepting yourself; i know the feeling, i'm at that stage also. I can relate to EVERYTHING you just wrote. So no, your not alone and it will get better eventualy. Feel free to private message me anytime, i'll be more then happy to talk with you.
Hello! First of all, WELCOME to EC!!! The hardest thing we always have to deal with is accepting ourselves and the confusion beyond that... There is no easy way and there's no written instructions on how to do it. I know what you are going through, because I have denied it to myself for the past 26 yrs and only recently I have come to my senses that what I'm denying to myself is my capability to be happy, free and be real. So what I'm telling you is that you have to be comfortable first with what you've been feeling. It's not an easy process... One step at a time... Hang on there. We're here to support you... I suggest you talk to a few close friends or if you are hesitant, try to seek help from a therapist, whichever you think may help you... Remember, it's you who would determine your purpose not someone else. But, take it easy and enjoy what life has to offer...
