The past year of my life has been full of questioning, but the search for my identity started much earlier in my life. I've always been pretty ambiguous about my gender, as a little kid I liked to be "one of the guys", but I also liked to play princess and other stereotypical girl stuff. In grade school though, I tried to fit into society's idea of what a girl should be. I told myself that I'd get used to it, but I never really did. I always had this feeling that I was different, I thought it was just because I was shy or something. I tried to fit into the gender box, but I've always been pretty defiant. In middle school, I realized that I couldn't do it anymore. So I cut my hair short and started wearing a lot of guys clothes (though I still like to wear girly stuff, I prefer a more androgynous appearance). And I never thought anything of it. Until I realized I was attracted to girls. At that point in my life I believed that being gay was a sin, so it hit me like a brick to the face. I freaked out. I denied myself. It took a month or so before I could really acknowledge the fact that I wasn't straight. I told myself that I was bisexual, in my mind I thought that if I still liked guys it would be okay. Well that started a looong year of going through every label known to the human race. Bisexual, Lesbian, Pansexual. I tried to define myself, in a desperate search for a name I could call myself. On top of that I was questioning my gender. For a while I thought I was transgender, because I never felt comfortable as a female. It took me months to realize I didn't feel comfortable as a male either. It then occurred to me that I didn't need to label myself. I could just be me. This whole coming out process has made me more accepting of myself and others. And so I'm here, being me. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere along the lines of genderqueer, beyond that I don't know. So that's the abbreviated version of my life, I'm so glad I can finally talk to someone about all this.
