Hi, there! I'm Ned. Last year I finally completed 7 years of school, moved to Chicago, and got an amazing job in my field. It was also the year that I made the first big steps in coming out to others and the year that I met a really fantastic guy with whom I've shared the last 9 wonderful months. Right now, things seem to be really looking up. I was born in the Midwest, and spent have most of my life here (aside from a six month stint in Washington, D.C.). I was raised in first a suburban, then rural town, each with conservative values and by equally conservative parents. I'm honestly not sure I knew what a gay person was until sometime in high school, and even then did not really understand what it meant to be gay. However, I had the impression that it was something bad. I didn't truly become aware that I was attracted to guys until sometime in undergrad, as I was nearing 20. Though in retrospect it is fairly obvious that I swayed that way at least as early as 12, it just didn't register (probably because I was 1. intensely focused on school and extra curriculars and 2. under the impression that I was supposed to date girls). It's actually kind of strange looking back and realizing that there were at least two times where I was borderline dating other closeted guys (under the guise of a close friendship) without realizing it. Either way, I think I'm probably fortunate that I made it through grade school completely oblivious, sparring myself the horrors that some gay teens go through. Unfortunately, college seemed like a pretty hostile place too. I went to a private technical school with a ridiculously disproportionate male/female population. Few gay people were out and those that were seemed to endure a fair amount of mocking. At least I didn't feel comfortable there. I consider those four years to be the low point of my life. I was depressed, spent some time in counseling, and lonely because I was afraid that my interest in art, theater, musicals, fashion, etc. were just not masculine enough for my classmates, and also for being largely unwilling to accept myself. Then I enrolled in a graduate school and found my new class (and faculty) was a small, diverse, global, and most importantly highly supportive and accepting group of people. It was in this environment that I finally came out to myself, then one of my best friends, and then gradually other people. I found out that one of my good friends is also gay and we have been helping each other through the coming out and self acceptance process. I also allowed myself to start dating for the first time in my life, so now at 26 I am in my first ever relationship. But I still have a ways to go. Other than a couple dozen friends who I've come out to or have met my boyfriend, I keep my private life mostly under wraps at work and in public. I am also still entirely closeted with my parents and other family members, which becomes more and more difficult to maintain as my relationship becomes more serious. I love my family very much, and want to be close to them, and it pains me that I have lied to them all this time. But I am looking forward to making more positive steps in the upcoming year. (I think I intended to write a simple, short, introductory paragraph. Hopefully this wasn't too much.)
