Hello everyone, my name is Michael and I'm 25 years old. I guess there are many reasons why I decided to subscribe to this site, but in the end it all boils down to the fact that I don't feel really happy with my overall situation. Before I start to explain why, I must point out that English is not my first Language, so I apologise in advance if my grammar proves to be faulty. I've never had a single relationship in my entire life: I've felt in love a couple times with girls (who rejected me), but I've never felt something remotely similar to a physical attraction to them. Basically all of these feelings were merely platonic. As a result, I started to feel less and less interested to girls that I came across, and by the time I reached 20, I basically gave up on trying to find a girlfriend. In the meanwhile I realised that the amount of *a-ehm* not straight sites I visited meant more to me than just a little diversion. My fantasies only rarely were based on girls, and even then they alway felt forced. Right now I feel really confused. There's a part of me that wants to speed things up. I kinda/sorta came out to my dearest female friend while we were on a trip in London last week: I almost burst into tears while I confessed my fears, my sexual orientation and my tremendous desire to be loved, to have someone to hold tight right by my side. On one hand, I am glad I did it. I trust her so much, and her words felt really conforting. On the other hand there's still a part of me that keeps yelling: "WHAT THE F**K, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT TO HER?", and that's because I still am really uncertain about my sexuality. Sometimes I even think that the only reason why I'm doing all this is because I was rejected by many girls when I was a young teenager, so instead of putting my feelings at risk again with another female, I pretend to be attracted to men so I can call myself a "closeted homosexual" and avoid facing my real problem, which in this hypothesis would be my shyness. Yeah, it makes no sense whatsoever, I agree. I just hope I don't come across a bit too messed up to be relate with. I guess that's all for an introduction. Maybe I'll post something else in the next few days.
