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Hi! (I'm an FtM who needs advice)

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by wolfxinxchains, Mar 11, 2014.

  1. wolfxinxchains

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    Hi! I am an FtM before transition with unsupportive parents. I am having issues staying strong. I feel like they're trying to suppress me by getting girlier and girlier things for me. Honestly it sucks. I feel like a transgender imposter because of it. I have been questioning my gender identity a few years before realizing. I was gender fluid for 1 to 2 years before thinking : it's time to call myself transgender. so I started looking it up like crazy! I told almost all my friends the same night. My bf said he'd be bisexual for me and I told him and he's completely accepting. But then I told my parents and everything has been going down hill... So I thought to myself, its time to stick up for myself (actually just tonight too.) So I went online and found this place. :grin: I like to draw, write music, and be able to express myself. My parents have been really unsupportive of me before but never as bad as this. So yet again the same night I think about sticking up for myself i just forget about it... It's easier for me to stick up for others rather than myself because I'm protective of my friends. Thanks for wasting your time on this :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  2. Betrys

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    Hiya, W.
    First of all, Congratulations on taking the first step into the rest of your life! And how fantastic to have such a supportive partner.
    Secondly, no one is Ever a waste of time. We are all equal creations, no less or more than any other creations on this earth. yet each of us is as unique as snowflakes or crystals.
    Though I am not familiar with your experience I do know what it is like to be in a hetero relationship and be something completely different. I am separated from my husband who has always encouraged me to be accepting of who I am. He has always been totally willing to rearrange a traditional marriage for something more polyamorous or even not be together so I could have a female companion should I so choose. Now we are separated (for other reasons) and I've moved away and come out there is a sadness in him that wasn't there before, but the 100% support is still there. HOWever, even though my son and his wife know they have cautioned me not to tell my parents, extended family, or my brothers... all staunch anti-GLBT.
    Don't be depressed. I know how important it is to have the acceptance of parents and siblings, believe me, but know they still love you. It's not something everyone can accept easily, readily, or at all and takes time.
    It's great to meet you. I also love music and studied for several years and sung professionally, enjoy writing, drawing, and am in the first efforts of starting my own business making small purse/pouch shoulder bags by hand. I love to game, dogs, cats, birds, and horses, and hiking.
    Nice to meet you.
    Betrys (*hug*)
    (I hope I didn't screw this up and say something I shouldn't. You just seemed like you need a big hug right now and this is the closest I could get)
     
  3. Nick07

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    Welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    This situation is probably even more difficult for your parents than it is for you. Be patient and understanding and work on your independence.
     
  4. lovely lesbian

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  5. deejay

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    Welcome to EC! Hope you will find good friends here, I'll be very much willing to become one of them... =)

    In anyway, parents would always be parents. Their reaction is of course just what you'll expect as it is... But sooner or later they will learn to accept the choices you've made. Cheers!
     
  6. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
     
  7. wolfxinxchains

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    Thank you Betrys! and everyone else too! I'm planning on sitting my parents down and explaining to them everything... AGAIN. None the less in the end it doesn't matter what they think of me... just 4 more years to go right? I'm going to atleast try to explain to them the fact that I don't feel comfortable in my skin and see if they THEN try to accept it lol i don't know how soon I will but with some back up and encouragement I'll do it eventually in the next month hopefully! Also knowing someone I look up to is an FtM like me helps and I want to reach out to them for advice. I'm planning that for the while I'm pre-op just continue to look female but I'm getting a shorter haircut soon so atleast I have that! Also still desparately need and under works binder or something of that sort.
    Thanks!
    wolf
     
  8. earthlvr510

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    Welcome to EC! Parents can be really tough but for most of us younger folks telling them is the hardest part of transitioning and you've got that out of the way already. Now you just have to keep convincing them :/ It sounds like their in denial at the moment and trying everything they can to keep you as their "daughter", given time I think they will come around. Any questions you have were always here. Have you tried pointing them to online resources like PFLAG? There are some awesome sites out there specifically for parents of trans* kids. I can find some and post some links if you want. Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  9. sharkpool

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    hellooo i'm sure people in here will give you the support you need n.n *hug*
     
  10. Niko

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    Hey, welcome to EC! :grin:

    I'm sorry your parents aren't being very supportive, but they may come around one day. It's pretty tough on them too yah know? Being transgender isn't an easy thing, and those who don't experience what we do, don't really understand it. If they're relatively open minded people, then maybe you can educate them some how; but babysteps nonetheless. Hang in there dude! :slight_smile:
     
  11. Owl333

    Owl333 Guest

    Sorry you're parents aren't accepting, hopefully they come around soon. Nice to meet you, and welcome to EC! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  12. wolfxinxchains

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    OMG everyone here so amazing I just wanna hug everyone! All of you have helped on what to say next to my parents! in this next sleepless night (I have been sleeping excessively lately so its harder to sleep at night) I'm probably going to start yet another probably 8 to 10 paragraph essay. this time I will read it with atleast some courage. It's important that i get accross the message that I'm not giving up! (Although I've already nearly given up... They don't know that.) TIME TO TRY TO CHEER UP SINCE I HIDE MY FEELINGS. lol im totally tired right now. ALSO GOOD NEWS mom is letting me get a short haircut :grin: :grin: :grin:
    hahaha,
    Adam
     
  13. suninthesky

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    Welcome to EC. Feel free to post on my wall whenever, or message me when you become a full member.

    I just wanted to say that even through your parents might not seem supportive, give it time. It took me years to realize how much my mom would actually support me. It took me so long to realize that the years of forcing me into girlier and girlier things was not because she didn't love me for who I was, but because she wanted me to fit in and be happy around school and other people. Hindsight is 20/20 and so much has changed in the last year.

    The communication with your parents is good. At times, it might be hard, but keep it going. Let us know how everything goes with your parents, and make sure to stop by the gender identity forum. Cheers!