Who can relate?

Hello EC peoples. I'm a 36yr old woman with two boys. I was married for almost 20

years, never really enjoyed being with a man, but growing up how do you go about telling

everyone you know that you would rather be with a woman? I had a few encounters with

the female sex, and loved every minute of it. I lived a hard and struggling life, my

marriage was very rocky. A few years back I met a woman online that I cared for deeply.

She helped me get out of the closet, and start living my life for me. After my divorce I

moved out of state to be with her. My life has not been the same since. It was and still is

the best move I ever made for not only myself but for my boys. She passed away a little

over a year ago. Something that no one could be prepared for. Over some time, and

after realizing that everything happens for a reason, I found another woman, that I am

madly in love with. I do believe that she is the one that I've been searching for all my

life. When we are together, everything is at peace, I've never felt that way with anyone

before. Here is the hiccup, she is in the closet, where as I have told all my family and

anyone else that wants to know about me. I'm the type of person if you don't like me,

then I don't need or want you in my life. But my partner is scared to death of coming

out. Some days are easier then others, but others I just want to scream. The odd thing

about her being so determined about keeping us a secret, is that she is horrible at it. She

will leave things laying around the house, that has her family asks questions. When I visit

her, we will go for rides and be gone much longer then needed, when we are out in public,

she will be close to me, hold my hand, sometimes even kiss me, so it becomes confusing

when she tells me that she doesn't want anyone to know. I've been searching for a

community like this, to just talk to others, to see if anyone has experience being with

someone who is in the closet, and how to make things work that doesn't drive the other

one insane. Thanks for listening to me, I hope to find some good friends here, from what

I have read you seem to be very cool peeps.

 

thank you firesmoke. yes you are right, its a very delicate situation, She does make me feel very wanted and loved when we are together, just when we are apart, for right now we only see each other once a week, for we live 2 hours apart, those days in-between are hard. She is consumed with her time around her daughter, and work. Sometimes I feel as if Im on the back burner, and I'm her last priority on her list of things to do. But again I wouldn't trade it for anything, cause when we are together, she makes me feel very loved and cared for. Thanks again for the welcome, its just nice to be able to find others, that are in her shoes, I guess I just would like to see what goes through someone's mind that wants to stay in the closet. For I am a person who don't care who knows, and my thing is, that the only thing that should matter is the person you are with, and the person you love. For when you are growing old, its not your parents, its not your kids, its your lover and life partner that will be there with you, no one else. Looking forward to getting to know you all.