Sup all?

Hi there! Welcome to EC!!! Hope you'll be able to find what you've been truly searching for... Enjoy your stay in EC. There are lots of good people available in here to provide you their insights... Stick around.

 

love you

 

Hello!

 

Sup Homie.

 

:welcome: to EC!!

 

Welcome to EC!!

 

Hi, Doc. Saw a few of your other posts here and there.

I was in your shoes at one point, and I am now in my early 50's with a wife, 2 kids, nice-sized house in a conservative suburb, a couple dogs and a cat. The problem is, I finally started realizing a couple years ago that although I had managed to convince myself that it was what I wanted, the big "oops" was that I would have rather had the same things, but with a husband instead of a wife. Cue all sorts of later in life coming-out issues and complications that are slowly getting figured out.

I know you're trying to sort things through in your head, and bravo to you for that. This is the right time to do it. There are actually people here on EC (one of the moderators, for instance) who have that idyllic life you speak of, only with a same-sex partner. It can be done, and it's a lot more accepted in parts of the country than you would think. I know you have homophobia issues in the family, and that's tough to work through. But remember this - the gay doesn't go away. If that's really your orientation, you may very fall in love with some girl somewhere along the line (I did), and build yourself a family, but in the end, you will realize how much of yourself you have shut down in the interest of that stereotypical suburban life. (And it's a lot harder to turn the boat around at my age than yours, although it definitely IS possible, and it IS happening!).

Keep talking to us. The Later in Life section is filled with people who were in your shoes 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago and went with the idyllic life, only to realize years later that we had given up something much more crucial than we realized. We're listening!

 

Greetings from a fellow nerd... (although a flat-broke one who can't even afford cheap games...)

And welcome to EC!

 

Welcome to EC

 

:smilewave My concerns for you are these bouts of depression that you say can last up to a month. This isn't a good thing as you get set to tackle medical school. That type of pressure mixed with depression could be mentally crippling.

You could ease your mind by not feeling you have to map out the next 30 years of your life right now. Slow down and try to focus more on the present and short-term future, and keep up your rigorous outdoor activities when you can.

I know what it's like to be "stuck in my own head." :bang: I've dealt with it for decades.

 

Moshi-moshi!! ^.^

 

Hey what's sup? I'm sup.

 

Hobby ho hello, Welcome to EC Nyu~

 

I like her too, her song Night Fever, but Tell Your World is one of my most favorite songs, it always gets me up when I'm feeling down Nyu~

 

Hi again! Just had to respond to a few of your worries. I don't think they're that unusual, really.

I never really had guy friends, so this was never a big concern for me. Keeping the friends you currently have is always a risk, though, even if you're straight. One of my dad's biggest complaints about being married was that all his old friends had to take a back seat to my mother. Any change in life--marital status, out status, etc.--carries the risk of losing the friends we've had for a long time. I have to tell you too, that I had a number of close friends before I got married, when I was still deciding which way to go, and even though they DIDN'T know (still don't) that I'm gay, the friendship was very much affected by both my getting married AND the fact that being in the closet shut me off emotionally so badly.

Realistically, if current friends can't accept you, are they really such good friends anyhow?

As far as new people - I haven't been out long, so my experience there is limited. I will say, though, that most people value openness and honesty in their friends. Being gay isn't something that needs to be shouted from the rooftops, but it's also not something you have to be secretive about either. And, well, don't forget, gay men ARE guys too. There are a fair number out there who fly completely under the radar. You may very well know a few.

This bothered me a lot when I was your age. I always wanted kids but never really bonded well with them in general, and I was afraid if they weren't biologically mine, that would be an issue. And I will admit that the fact that my oldest strongly resembles my long-dead mother has been very special to me, and my youngest has a strong resemblance to my wife's late father. But it looked for some time that we'd have to adopt, and I did struggle with it initially. I had to remind myself, though, that having kids with someone is more about who they are than their biology. It's the difference between "having" kids, like a possession of some kind (or as your own personal piece of DNA immortality), and "raising" kids, loving them. teaching them, making them people you would want to see tackle the world.

Well....that's why you're here, right? It would be pretty hard to decide really honestly that you were gay, and then "find out" later that you're not. Take your time, talk, listen, feel, and think about who you are. And then be honest about it.

Sorry for preaching you in the welcome thread! But feel free to talk anytime. What you're feeling and worrying about is all very normal, and all part of the process of figuring things out.