It has always been a lurking notion that I might be a gay man. But, this late in life I almost feel like I have a) been ignoring the obvious too long to have an affirmative answer to that question or b) been fooling myself that this is even a remote possibility. I have been married 3 times, have two beautiful children and for the most part lived life as a heterosexual male. The last homosexual experience I had was when I was 17 years old. It was soon after that when I was 19 that my son was conceived. Even when I was somewhat open about my homosexual experience to even a few, it was by and large a deniable status when it came to family or anyone that was a close acquaintance. I am 39 now. Lots of people over the years have had the clue that I might be a gay man, of course, I always flatly denied these allegations and for the most part for over 20 years I have thought myself a heterosexual male. Three failed marriages and lots of psychological and alcohol issues to boot. Now, after clearing much of those issues and becoming relatively happy and successful I am still unable to form a lasting relationship with a woman. It is more than that. Almost like I am the last to know that I may be living a lie. Co-workers, ex-girlfriends and the like seem to be curious if not downright insistent that I am "in the closet". Maybe I am being dramatic (it has been known to happen) but that is what I come here to discover. Please help me to discover this. I don't want sexual advances, just your practical experience in coming out later in life. What helped you discover that you were not heterosexual? What were the challenging questions you asked yourself along the way? I have an idea, but want more input before I can resolutely decipher my feelings. This is not something I take lightly and want some guidance. Thanks in advance for your time and input.
I must have been just about the last person to know I was gay. I went for many years hoping it was a phase.
Hello! Welcome to EC! As for your lingering questions, I can only tell that the decisions is yours to make. Only you know yourself better more than anyone else... Try to go back to those years where you feel like you are denying something inside your persona... If those times are more than the times that you feel there's nothing different in you, then you can close your eyes to something you don't want to feel but if there's a big difference, then NOW is the right time to go figure it out. I'm sorry but there's no better EXPLANATION as to how, why, when and what made us decide that THIS IS ME, THIS IS HOW I AM... It all comes down to yourself, you have to OPEN YOURSELF for all the POSSIBILITIES and DISCOVER and EXPLORE it from there... Talking about COMING OUT LATE, there are lot's of PEOPLE like you in HERE... I consider myself coming out late too, because I just totally came out with a few trusted friends I can count on last year and I'm 33 years old going 34, but unlike you I never had a family and I've only got myself all along and a few failed relationships I've been through with women, bi-sexuals and bi-confused, because I can never imagine hurting somebody I cannot commit with.... (I don't know, but it just me)... Don't get me wrong I had sexual relationships with men (and I did enjoy them) but honestly I'm more emotionally attached when it comes to women and so I had it all figured it out that maybe it's really about time for me to accept to myself that this is how I'm made. The first step of becoming who you are is your ACCEPTANCE of oneself. We have to ACCEPT ourselves then that's the time others can ACCEPT us. But, we cannot do it if we are in a state of confusion. Well, I hope I gave you a pretty good insight... It may not be enough though, but I hope I have helped you somehow... Anyway, try to scroll a number of forums here and for sure you'll learn a lot from it. Good luck on your way to self-exploration and discovery... We're all here for you... Stick around and take care!!!
There will be many posts in LGBT Later in Life - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out that will help in your self-discovery.
