Hey all, I just decided to join EC because I've been feeling for a long time like I don't have a lot of people in my life I can talk to about some things. I've graduated from college last year so I fell disconnected from the kinds of support groups that uni used to have. I don't know if I should put a label on what I am, or if I should have to put a label on it, just to have an easy explanation for people I work with and the like. Queer is the only term that can make sense to me. I have never thought that I was straight, though for a long time I didn't think I was gay either. As a teenager I thought I might be asexual, but I had seemingly straight crushes, but in a very weird way. And now as I think back to my few relationships, I would describe myself as asexual on most days, and perfectly happy about it, and when I do feel sexual, I'm really only interested in women. Yet, I still occasionally feel a romantic attraction to men, and this feeling of an idealized emotional connection that I haven't felt towards women, in a completely non-sexual way. I suppose if anyone asked me about my orientation I would tell them it's complicated. I am hoping to be able to better sort out some of these feelings here, and figure out a way of living that feels honest and makes sense to me. I don't want to keep being mistaken for a straight girl and I don't want to tell everyone I know about my sex life. I don't know why this feels so challenging. Could be just plain old loneliness setting in. I am also an obsessive cyclist and photographer, and I have dreams of going back to grad school, getting out of my retail job, and spending long summer days out West again. It takes me a long time to write things like this because I get so hesitant about it, several times over, midway through my sentences.
Thank you! And yeah, that sounds like a fair description, but it's just that, a description, and it might be different next year. It doesn't feel like me. Like I'm sure this will sound goofy, but too many words makes it seem too clinical, not like something to identify with, almost as though I'm talking about my cholesterol. >.<