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a place to be open?

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by LostAndAffraid, Apr 7, 2014.

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  1. LostAndAffraid

    LostAndAffraid
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    I hope this is it. Even though I've always pretended to be a friend of the lgbt community, I always stayed in the closet, afraid to come out because of the threats my older brothers made while we were growing up.I think they knew what I was before I even did, they told me that if I decide to be gay they would kill me.

    Now this is difficult for me cause I've known that I am gay since about 14 or 15 but I've always denied it, even to myself. At 24 I'm finally ready to accept who I am but I'm still afraid to come out. None of my friends know except my very good lesbian friend from high school, she was the only one I felt I could say it too back then, and even then I didn't tell her until I was 19. I'm afraid the rest won't accept me.

    I am still a virgin in all aspects, I don't want the type of life that the media portrays gays as having either, I just want somebody to love. As it is having been alone so long it's starring to eat away at me and driving me insane. I don't know how to cope with this loneliness, recently I've began getting panic attacks because I finally accept myself but I'm still hiding from everyone else. But I still can't help but think my brothers won't at least hospitalize me if they find out, so for now I suffer quietly afraid to share my woes with anyone.My fear is preventing my happiness, but I'm also afraid I'll die alone.
     
    #1 LostAndAffraid, Apr 7, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2014
  2. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Welcome to EC.

    Sorry to hear that your brothers are terrible people.

    I hope you find what you need here :slight_smile:
     
    #2 BookDragon, Apr 7, 2014
  3. Radioactive Bi

    Radioactive Bi
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    Welcome,

    Everyone here is very supportive. I'm sure you will have some great open conversations here.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Radioactive Bi, Apr 7, 2014
  4. CharlsOn

    CharlsOn Guest

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    Hi and welcome:slight_smile:
    You will find many people to talk openly to:slight_smile:
    Just the right place to do that. Have fun and hopefully some answers and help:slight_smile:
     
    #4 CharlsOn, Apr 7, 2014
  5. Choulilja

    Choulilja
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    Not out at all
    Welcome to EC <3

    Haha, I just joined a day before you, but let me tell you, I feel way more comfortable here than in real life. Your brothers are really mean to you :frowning2:
    I hope you find happiness soon <3
     
    #5 Choulilja, Apr 7, 2014
  6. Sigrid

    Sigrid
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    It's nice to meet you! I hope you like it here, and you should know that this is a place where you can always be yourself, and no one will think any less of you for it c:

    In terms of your brothers, excuse me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem like you have the best of relationships. Perhaps you shouldn't let their opinion weigh quite so heavily? And I think you're giving your friends too little credit. If they really are your friends they won't care if you are gay. And if they do, is that really the kind of people you want to hang out with anyway? I don't know the attitude towards LGBT where you live, though. So even though I really wish to help you, I won't claim to completely understand your situation.

    However, even if your situation is completely different from mine, you should know that I'm here (we all are) to give you support and advice if you need it c:

    I wish you the best of luck!
     
    #6 Sigrid, Apr 7, 2014
  7. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
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    Hello!
     
    #7 lovely lesbian, Apr 7, 2014
  8. lukeluvznicki13

    lukeluvznicki13
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    Welcome to EC! I hope you enjoy your time on the site :slight_smile:! :grin: :smilewave :eusa_danc (*hug*)
     
    #8 lukeluvznicki13, Apr 7, 2014
  9. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Welcome! :slight_smile:
     
    #9 FireSmoke, Apr 7, 2014
  10. LostAndAffraid

    LostAndAffraid
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    Thanks all, I appreciate everyone's support, I hope I grow to like it here so I can stick around for a while. Nice to meet you all.
     
    #10 LostAndAffraid, Apr 7, 2014
  11. Stingray

    Stingray Guest

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    You don't want to be in fear of your brothers the rest of your life. Perhaps their attitudes have changed. Maybe their barks are worse than their bites. Do you get along with them better since you've become adults?
     
    #11 Stingray, Apr 8, 2014
  12. LostAndAffraid

    LostAndAffraid
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    I try to, it's just they're both very ignorant people, not unintelligent, just hateful of any life style that doesn't match their own, the brother I live with gets visibly angry whenever something gay happens in a tv show our movie. So no, I think I'll just have to wait until I can move.
     
    #12 LostAndAffraid, Apr 8, 2014
  13. Caleb2001

    Caleb2001
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    Hey:smilewave Welcome to EC. I think you will find i a cool place
     
    #13 Caleb2001, Apr 8, 2014
  14. malachite

    malachite
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    Welcome to EC. You'll find plenty of support here.

    And don't take too much of how the media portrays gays, in fact don't listen to the media at all they tend to wrong 90% of the time.
     
    #14 malachite, Apr 8, 2014
  15. LostAndAffraid

    LostAndAffraid
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    Thanks guys I appreciate it. I hope to enjoy my time on this site.
     
    #15 LostAndAffraid, Apr 8, 2014
  16. true2myself

    true2myself
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    i hope your life gets better with the help of many supportive people here!!
     
    #16 true2myself, Apr 9, 2014
  17. Miiaaaaa

    Miiaaaaa
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    I'm going to start by saying you won't die alone.
    Sounds like you need to get away though, if it wouldn't be safe for you there and being out. Though, you might be surprised by their reaction. Because you're their brother, they might lighten up to the idea.
    Glad you've accepted it though. :slight_smile:
     
    #17 Miiaaaaa, Apr 9, 2014
  18. Beautiful mind

    Beautiful mind
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    Story of life..... you are not alone and welcome to EC!
     
    #18 Beautiful mind, Apr 9, 2014
  19. ThePhoenix

    ThePhoenix
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    Hello and Welcome to EC! BTW love the avatar Captain Jack!
     
    #19 ThePhoenix, Apr 9, 2014
  20. LostAndAffraid

    LostAndAffraid
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    Yeah, I wish with all my heart that I could meet captain Jack, he is my avatar on a few forums. And yeah I'm just gonna wait until I get out of here to start dating.
     
    #20 LostAndAffraid, Apr 9, 2014
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