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So glad to have discovered EC - searching for answers

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Naesr68, Apr 10, 2014.

  1. Naesr68

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    What a wonderful resource! I am just starting to delve into all of the threads, topics and discussions. I feel like I could spend days just reading and replying.

    I have been out for half of my life and am comfortable with myself. My coming-out process was relatively painless as everyone around me already 'knew'. My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner. However, coming out in a small Mid-Western town in the 1980s would have been less than desirable.

    Nearing middle age (nearing it? Already there!) has brought many new facets to my life. I had been partnered for 14 years and have re-entered the 'dating world'. It's a whole different ball of wax than it was 20-some years ago. I have met a wonderful, caring man that is just entering his 40s and we have been seeing each other for a year and a half now. However, the relationship is not without its complications. I have been reading a lot and found out about EC in a book that I am currently reading: "Journey Out: Memoirs of Men Coming to Grips With Their Orientation" by Gene Probasco. I came to this website to search for answers in dealing with a situation that cannot be unique to me: being in a relationship with a married (to a woman) gay man.

    I am searching for ways to support him in the decisions that he is facing/making and to find support for myself as this is something that I can speak of to few people. I just know that there HAS to be someone or several men on here that are facing this situation also.

    That's it in a nutshell! :bang:
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Hey Naesr68, welcome to EC!

    No doubt you have already checked out our Later in Life section. Plenty of stories there, including mine, about the hard work that it takes to extricate oneself from the hetero-marriage mindset.

    He may benefit himself from joining us, as the stories will no doubt resonate with him and he may find support should he decide to make significant changes in his (and his significant other's) life. Are there any kids involved?
     
  3. Naesr68

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    To answer your question: yes. He has one child soon to be a teen. She's a wonderful little girl and the apple of his eye.
     
  4. GayDadStr8Marig

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    Welcome to EC! I'm sure you and your friend will find a lot of support here. I joined at the end of January, never expecting to be where I am today: out to my wife, getting divorced amicably, preparing to sell our house, moving to new homes, out to friends, and to top it all off... a boyfriend. Who would have thought?! The past month since I came out to my wife has been at the same time both better and worse than I imagined, but totally worth it. Having great friends supporting me here, and great kids who are taking the divorce exceedingly well (even if they don't know the "why" behind this change), have made the process so much more tolerable than I ever imagined. Seeing the pain I caused my wife for years while hiding in my closet is worse than I expected; and yet I can also now see that the dysfunction of our marriage was not entirely from my orientation.

    Keep poking around and jump in where the mood strikes you. There's so many amazingly supportive people here.
     
  5. Naesr68

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    Thanks. He's in a very vulnerable place right now. It is getting harder and harder to deny who he really is and the stress is getting to him...not to mention the stress of his job and the other dysfunctions in his 'marriage'. I'm going to encourage him to check out EC. I think it would be helpful to him, but I don't want to out pressure on him or make him think that I am pressuring him to come out.
     
  6. lovely lesbian

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  7. Naesr68

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    :eusa_danc I am finding that EC could quickly become an addiction for me!
     
  8. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Naesr68

    Welcome to EC. You a correct, EC is addictive in the first 6 months, so much to learn from others and that great feeling that you are not alone.

    Sale Gay Guy
     
  9. Miiaaaaa

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  10. deejay

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    Hello! Welcome to EC!!! Hope you'll love it here... Enjoy and have fun!!! =)
     
  11. LostAndAffraid

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    Welcome, here's to hoping your beau coins to terms with it fully and comes out, I wouldn't pressure him about it though, you don't want to become a "nag" in his eyes.
     
  12. Naesr68

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    Thanks everyone. LostAndAffraid - he's getting there, it's a slow process and I don't pressure him. The last thing I would ever want to do is push him away. He's a keeper! :thumbsup:
     
  13. Corwin

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    Welcome! I'm also new here and newer to this path than you, but am another midwesterner as well.

    I'm really happy to hear about your relationship and hope it continues to go well. I hope to make a similar connection one day.

    On another note, I noticed in one of your posts that you've been an organist for 35 years -- I've been a huge classical organ fan since I was a kid, even studied it privately for awhile in my 20s. Only play piano these days, though... but I'd love to have an organ at home (though it could never have real pipes!) My favorite music is the French romantic school. I absolutely love Durufle, Franck, Widor, et al, and of course the organs of Cavaille-Coll. I don't meet to many people for whom those names would have any meaning.

    Cheers!
     
  14. Naesr68

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    Thanks Corwin for your kind remarks! I sincerely believe that there is someone out there for everyone and, one day, things will fall into place for you. And it's funny that we sometimes find it when we aren't looking or in the most unexpected of places or people.

    Yes, I have been an organist for 35 years. Started playing for churches on my 10th birthday and have been at it ever since. I studied extensively while in college (it was my major instrument...studied voice as well). The French school is also a favorite of mine, Franck being my all-time favorite. Studied Bach extensively also. Most of my playing anymore isn't as 'heavy' as it used to be, mostly lighter classics and the like for church work. I still pull out some of the heavy hitters every once in a while though to keep them under my fingers.

    My best to you! Onward and upward for all of us...what a lovely, yet frightening world we all live in!
     
  15. happydavid

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  16. Naesr68

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    Hello to you, too happydavid! Hope things are going well for you today. :smilewave