Howdy

Hi everyone. I found the forums earlier today and decided to join up.

I'm 21 years old, I live in argentina and I'm currently closeted (which I ain't really sure if it's for the better or the worse since homosexuality isn't taken too kindly around these parts).

All my life I've been very afraid in general, so I tended to not really question a lot of things about myself, which lead to a very unhappy life since I spent most of my time trying to hide my real self away. That lead me to now being quite shy an reserved, which sort of makes everything even harder for me.

However, about a year ago, I couldn't live that way any more, so I started to let loose a bit. I dropped out of a career I did not like, started a new one I do like this year; I started doing things I always wanted to try, and I also slowly started to come to terms with my sexuality.

Thinking back, I now realize I've always been gay, and I've never been really attracted to women. I wish I could go back in time and tell to my younger self just that though, cause most of my youth was spent wondering what was wrong with me. Boys just kept talking about girls and stuff, and I just was like 'yeah.. girls... cool.. I mean hot'. I was so repressed I even thought of myself asexual for a while.

As a result of being so repressed, for a lack of a better term, I ended up isolating myself quite a bit; I felt like a cast out during most of my youth. I guess you can all imagine that my sexual life wasn't that great, and you'd be right. I've kissed a couple girls, but that's just about it.

Now I've reached a point where I'd like to explore my sexuality a bit more, like maybe doing stuff with someone, or maybe even trying to be in a relationship with someone, but I'm sort of stuck cause I don't really know how to keep going. None of the people I know irl know about this. I guess there might be a bit of fear involved. That's why I joined. I don't like being stuck.

I really hope you guys can help me to keep growing as a person, and I look forward to interacting with you all

 

Thanks everyone!

I might try to do this, though I'm a bit scared since I really have no experience whatsoever. First time for everything I guess. Thanks

 

Thank you

Haha, I'm in so deep that my answer involves me saying: 'depends on the incarnation' xD. Though, overall, I'd say it's leo. He is like my spirit animal (!)

They are all awesome though :icon_bigg

 

Gracias! Contento de haberme topado con los foros. Saludos

Well I didn't mean it in that way. Yes, the things that we went through shape us, but my youth wasn't really a happy one. I felt alone, weird; I tried my best to be like everyone else, but I just couldn't you know; we are all different and that's awesome.

This actually goes a bit further than just my sexuality. I've been going through a very profound change in almost every aspect of my life, and a lot of attitudes and ways of thinking that I had when I was younger, now I kind of hate cause they've caused me so much suffering during the years. I was also angry all the time; I was afraid people would leave me. I was just so scared in general, but I didn't know that. Luckily, and I say luckily even though it was a very rough experience for me, about a year ago I went through a total break down. Since then I've come to learn a lot of things about myself that I didn't know of. I switched my field of studies, I started to try and be more open about my feelings. And tbh all that really shows now.

I'm sorry that you had to spend so much time not really knowing yourself, but I'm happy that you are here now.

I guess the go back in time and tell my younger self all this is just because I feel I lost so much time being afraid, that I forgot how to enjoy life, and now that I'm starting to be more open I realize how much better off I'd have been if hadn't worried so much, and just enjoyed life as I'm trying to do now.