This is an edited version of my feelings/sexuality because the last one wasn't clear Please help me. Tired of this confusion Here is everything. Please please help me. All the cards are layed out. I am 15 years old. All my life, I have been called girly and gay because I act somewhat like It. I sort of blame it on the atmosphere I grew up which was mostly women. From ages 7-8, my sister dressed me up as a girl and made me act like one and I had a lot of fun. I had a boyfriend who I really didn't have sexual attraction for at that age, it was just fun to act like that. From what I remember I got really in character, and acted well. Anyways, my parents were very homophobic all my life and always taught me Not to be gay. Starting at the age of 10 is the earliest gay thought I remember. From that age, until several months ago, I thought I was gay but gave it absolutely No thought. I masterbated to men, watched gay porn, had several crushes on guys, and fantasizes about them all the time. I think I may have had several attractions to men before them but maybe repressed it due to family circumstances and just being young A couple of months back, I started to reevaluate My life and think about it, and realized that I was bisexual leaning towards males. I have had many many crushes on women as well, as well as obbesions. I could masterbate to hetero fantasies and hetero porn ( me looking at the women), just as well but it takes more time. Lesbian porn doesnt arouse me at all I have had many stronger crushes on women then with males. But with women, the crush fell more emotionally as well as sexually. For example, I fell in love with Elizabeth berkley. Mostly her Personality. I found her amazingly nice and started to act like her a little because I was so in love. Then I saw the movie showgirls, and was very attracted to her character, the stripper. I masterbated to it quite a few times as well. I also had some crushes on guys such as gale Harold and zac efron. These crushes were not that big, and the thing is, i didn't want to be on a relationship though, just found them attractive. I also am currently in love with kourtney kardashian. I have strong sexual and physical and emotional urges towards her. Now I am confused with who to be with in the future. I am not comfortable not being straight at all and feel that I can never be in a gay relationship. In that prospect, women have my heart. Sometimes, when I look at women, and see how beautiful and smooth their bodies are, they are my winners. But other days, it's like that with men. With women, when I have fantasies I get physically aroused( boner) but I don't get that feeling of horniness. With men I do. With men I can come much faster but the orgasm is usually stronger with females But with women, I want an actual relationship and right now, I do like a girl more emotionally. I don't find her attractive, because she really is not to put it in a nice way. But talking to her makes Me forget, and all the pain goes away. With guys, especially cute, I get very anxious and nervous, probably because I don't know them. But it's an uncontrollable feeling even if I don't find them so attractive. The same feeling goes with women as well who I find very attractive and intimidating. I will not tell this to any of my family members or future wife. I also really get aroused when a male tells me he masterbates or gay solo sex- I get very excited aroused mostly because I feel cool and not the only one who does it. So it's more of a fitting in kind of thing I just feel like with a women, sometimes, something is missing which is the masculinity features of a men. But with men, there is something missing as well which is the softness that women posses. I don't want to try to have a relationship with guys now. Some people who answered previously felt I was gay in denial, yes I feel uncomfortable with being gay, but I am very honest with myself and if I knew I was truly gay I would know. I feel that there is hope for women as well. But I just don't want to, yes maybe some sexual Relations, but at the End of the day I want to be with women So I am sexually attracted to both with a preference for men, but overal, preference for women My biggest fear is getting married, having kids, and realize I'm gay and have to divorce my wife. Gay sex: Just like oral, mans basic masculinity, sexual noises they make, and their touch Women: Vaginal sex, creative sexy sex positions (jacuzzi, shower, bedroom), their breasts, women's body movements and basic excitement of getting caught and being naked I hate fashion, malls, musicals, plays, singing. I love dancing (ballroom), drama, gossip Attached is a poll. Please answer it and be 100% honest. Your opinion counts
Will you ever be happy? If you are honest with yourself, then yes! You are young, and your body is most probably going through a lot of changes right now. You could be in denial, curious blah blah it's not my place to tell you, only you can really know that. Sorry I didn't answer your question, but my advice to you is to be honest with yourself.
The only way you're going to be happy is when you realize that you can't let other people decide how to live your live. It's hard to say what your sexuality is right now but it does sound like you're bisexual.
You'll be happy if you're honest with yourself. Sounds like you're bi, but it's a conclusion that you have to come to!
Only you can really tell what you want/need. I'm bi. For years thought I was gay but met a wonderful woman whom I married. We had two children, both beautiful girls and now very successful women in their professions (education and mental health) with beautiful children of their own. Find support for who you are, and try not to obsess about who somebody or whole groups (like family, school, peers) think you ought to be. EC is a supportive community. When I was your age there were no such groups as EC as far as I knew. You're fortunate to have a life of discovery ahead and you are courageous. All the best to you.
