New here.... And my crush :P

So yeah I'm new here, I'm gay and I'm pretty sure some people suspect it but I haven't explicitly told many people at all apart from my mum and a girl bi friend..

I like this guy at my school and he's pretty camp but 'says' he as a gf but I have never seen her... I feel like this guy is the one (I know cringey eh?) because he's like a nice guy and I pretty well built. I don't want our friendship to be ruined though so I haven't said anything to him but he's leaving for uni soon and I can't help but feel depressed that most probably nothing will happen. I mean I really want him but I don't want to risk him shutting me out of my life completely.

I don't know why but I already feel as if I'm in a relationship with him (imagination is too annoying...) and I get jelly when he talks to other guys, but I don't want to seem clingy so I let him go. I just wish we were one...

Signs that I think he might be into me:

• He pinches my butt sometimes (but dont men do that sometimes?)
• He tickles me sometimes, but he kinda does that to everyone he's close to, both boys and girls
• He says he 'can't wait to see me at the weekend alone'
• He invites me to do things alone with him
• The other close guy in our '3' friendship group said he was really gay and then got really defensive and weird (which makes me think that he may know something)
• Nobody I know (apart from him) says they have ever met his gf (but she lives far away in a different country where he used to live and his fb shows the relationship and photos of them together)
• He is pretty camp and if I didn't know he had a gf, I would be sure he was gay

Signs that he might not

• He has a gf (no matter how vague)
• Someone asked him before and he said 'no' (but not straight away and he sorta didnt deny it at first)
• He isn't a typical gay (I know I'm stereotyping) but he likes sports (haha just thought, this argument isnt so strong)
• He just seems to perfect at the moment and even if he's gay maybe he doesnt like me....

I wish there was just a way to tell him without telling him. I mean I would trust him not to tell everyone if I told him to keep it a secret, but I don't want the friendship to be ruined.

I really hope he isn't reading this... Or maybe I do so that he will maybe see me and... Yeah

I am afraid to go to sleep at night in case I dream about being in a relationship with him and wake up and it's not real.

Thanks for reading if you got this far

TheOtherGuy (Anon... for the moment anyway )

 

UPDATE:

Ok so he has changed his 'Interested In' part on Facebook to 'men and women'.(!)(!) When I saw that, my heart skipped a beat <3. So now I know he's out, I just need to wait for him to either come out to me and (maybe) break up (though I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, I would want him to do it because he really liked/loved me).

I feel as though I could come out to him and the other straight guy I know because they are really close to me, and that might hint to him that I am interested. Feeling way more happy today than I have been, knowing that I'm half way there now!

Thanks for all the kind words of support and advice, I know I am not going through this alone and wish you guys all the luck in the world with your endeavours! (&&&)

 

UPDATE 2:

So yeah things have changed. The 'Interested In' bit of Facebook was changed by a friend; luckily I asked him just seconds before, it could have become quite awkward. Still I had to come out to a guy who I didn't want to know, which as many of you know is hard. I saw this guy at the weekend however I am in a group chat with the three of us and the guy that changed the 'Interested In' bit said it in that chat which made it kinda awkward. After he had said that, the guy I like went very quiet for quite a while and seemed very distracted. He even mentioned his gf for the first time ever in the whole time I have known him.

He said he was just tired but I suspect it was something more. What that is, I don't know and I don't want to guess. He has now changed back the 'Interested In' bit. It still doesn't mean he is, but most probably he is not. All I can say now is that I will be able to concentrate more on my studies and get through with them.

The guy who 'fraped' it however said he did it long ago which makes me think that maybe the guy I like maybe changed it himself and is just trying to cover up something that he does not want lots of people to know. Argh, I'm so confused right now. I just hope that the guy I told doesn't tell anyone (however I think he may have told the guy I like). He has screwed this up so much, first getting my hopes up and now maybe telling that guy.

Feelings at this point are down, really down but hopefully it'll all pick up, I really want it to, but I don't want to get my hopes up like last time and for them to be smashed to the ground with an iron fist of denial.