Hello I'm new! I'll be refering to Empty Closets - Stages of Coming Out To start off I've been in stage 1 for a few years now and its been easy not to tell anybody my feelings because I did not fully understand them myself. Well now I'm in stage 2 (knowing for the most part who I am) it feels like I'm falling down the rabbit hole and its becoming harder and harder to not just come out. Lately I have been doing research and learning a lot of information. As weird as it will probably sound, even though I know what I am... I'm partly ashamed and disgusted by it. Now I mean no offense to anybody my best friend came out to me a few years ago (which I admit got me looking at my life) but we are still great friends. He asked me if I was... and I of course lied and said it never crossed my mind. I guess my point is, is this stage as terifing to others as it is to me? As of right now I can only see myself denying who I am for the rest of my life and hoping I can just get by but as I said I have started my journey down the rabbitit hole and I'm falling fast. Even making an account on this and doing this post is tough ( id be lieing if I said I wasn't thinking of deleting this post lol). Now it should be said my family is religously against gays and my father...... yeah he hates gays, I curently live with my sister and even though I know she loves me and would support me I also highly belive she would never understand or truly accept me again. Honestly the best way to describe what I go through in life is partly exhausting partly a bad rollercoaster ride. I don't know if posting this will help me or not but well I had to tell someone how I feel even if it is behind an alias to strangers I'll never meet or see. I am thinking of starting a diary online maybe a blog (one that can't be read by public ie don't want family to find it haha) I feel it might help me vent my feelings and heck it might give me practice on coming out. Another thing is that I'm virtualy not girlie at all and I don't wear pink or anything like that again no offense I'm sure most people don't but even if they do its their way, although I did use to wear makeup and stuff.... now let me explain lol this was before I had any inckling I was into guys I was and in some ways still am gothic/pagan I did it to balance myself in life ie the dark/light the masculinity/femininty and to be perfectly honest those few years in highschool I felt completly happy and content with who I was haha I was not hiding behind the makeup as many thought I was... I was being me, even though that phase of life is over I need to try and get back that self love and not caring that people thought oddly of me. Well I'll stop here thanks for reading my ramblings and if you have any advice or tips please I do need help
Hi and welcome!! Yes, all of this can be a little terrifying. It makes the whole process much harder when your family would be far from supportive. I mean, for any other struggle in life, wouldn't they be the first people you'd bounce ideas off of? I say that cuzz I'm in the same boat. Well anyways, you are far from alone and im learning there are tons of people on here who care and want to help. We Are in it together...life that is.
Hi. So if your parents are really religious tell them that God send you to them. Tell them that this is a sign from God, that they have to love everybody no matter if its white, black, Gay, or Asian or Russian or Christian or Muslim.
Howdy Stranger, welcome to EC! Most of us at Stage 2 were terrified and unhappy about this "situation", mainly because it compelled us to think about what to do next. It would be so much easier not to do anything about it, but the consequence is that you end up enduring a low-grade, being a "stranger"-to-oneself, that eventually becomes very debilitating. This is why Empty Closets exists: we're here to remind you that you are not alone and that you can count on our support. Lean on us and express yourself, you are safe here!
