Hello all, A little about me: I am almost 26 years old, and just began questioning my sexuality... I am currently working with a therapist about the sexual abuse I suffered over the course of 10 years at the hands of a male relative. It was during one of our sessions that we started talking about how I felt about men in general. At this point I'm not interested in men simply because of the fear they create in me, or if it is because I am gay. I don't know how I felt about men before the abuse because it started when I was very young (3 or 4 years old). I never had the opportunity to "experiment" because I was raised in a religious family (even attending a Lutheran boarding school during my high school years, and later a Lutheran college). Being gay wasn't an option, it was an "abomination" that would not have been tolerated. Now as an adult I am having to face the choices that others had their teen years to explore and consider. I feel a little lost because all of these feelings are new, and the idea of being intimate with anyone (male or female) makes me feel nervous. At this point I don't even like to shake hands, hug, or be close to people. Because I didn't tell anyone about the abuse until I was 23ish, the pain and fear is still really real. It's hard to explain, but even though the last incident of abuse was 13 years ago, it feels as if it happened earlier today. When my therapist and I start discussing specific abuse or events I can feel that terrifying feeling I felt as a child... It's just a lot to work through! So as far as why I came to this site, I just wanted to have a judge-free place to talk over my questions, to share my thoughts, and not have to worry how I will be received. At this point I am only "out" as questioning to my therapist and my dearest friend. So 2 people in the entire universe know, and that in itself is a scary thought. That's why I thought coming here where I could share with all of you might be helpful. I've already found it really helpful to read some of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Knowing I"m not alone in this uncertainty is very comforting. So that's a "little" about me. I hope that my presence here will be as beneficial to all of you as your presence is to me!
Welcome to EC, darling! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and I don't envy you. However, I hope that we can all help you figure things out and be comfortable with who you are. If I can be of help in any way, please do let me know, and I promise I'll do my very best. Anyway, rest assured that this is a place where you can always be yourself and know that no one will judge you for it. I'm sure you are a wonderful person who has a lot to contribute to EC!
Hello and welcome! That is certainly a lot to take in, I hope you find love and support here and encourage you to life your life how you now see fit! Not that it really matters but what kind of Lutheran were you raised? Our Bishop here for Cali as part of ELC church has been in an openly gay partnership for 19 years Guy Erwin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. But, If you were raised Missouri or Wisconsin Synod like me, little different viewpoint about all THAT :-
