Help ?

I'm a 18-21 year old male.(for emotional safety) Been questioning my sexuality pretty lately. . I don't like having these "gay" feelings and "actions" actions as in bodily movements. Been catching people stare with question I don't dress feminine. .

My older brother is gay and I feel like I just question it with curiosity .. ive always been the guy in my family to be the tough one.. I had crushes on woman in my past. I've had sex with women love the sex. But I feel like I haven't met a girl that I have emotional connection but neither a guy I never did nothing "homo" just thoughts and curiosity but I don't alike the feeling is society and I'm in a school where I feel like I'm talked about or secretly questioned... I been locked up in jail before but never had nothing gay happen so it wasn't my sentence idk I just feel lost and kinda denying the fact that I might be gay because I've always wanted to be this tough guy thatxwoman liked and if this helps my father wasn't really around my mom had BS relationships with men idk if I'm just feeling this way due to past feelings about life or what .. this feels like a life or death type situation like no one can understand what's going through my mind even if they had my.mind .. I'm not sure I feel stupid I don't like the fact of thinking of a man behind me.. but then there's that curiosty but I don't want that curiosity feeling idk .. I feel confused and maybe I am gay but scared to confront it or maybe straight but just very sexual .. idk how sexual amusements or what ever works but with society against it I feel like its not something to ask about. I just want to feel normal in my skin and be happy
. I've dated girls before liked it I like the feeling of being loved maybe I just want that feeling of being loved by someone my mind is preferring women but there's the part of my.mind saying your gay your gay ! I been thinking about that what if I'm just
...... idk my mind is everywhere ... I do have a therapist but never touched the topic of sexuality.. he's a male therapist and I don't think I've had a sexual attraction but then I think the mind can block things out so idk .. feel like I'm going crazy over it. I'd love.to have a relationship with a woman can someone help me in trying to understand this human brain I became entangeld with at birth.. and yeah sometimes I think it would be easier to end my life but I don't want to hurt my family because I love them .. its just a topic not really talked about.. and its killing me. Thanks for trying to understand me if anyone cares to knows. I'd be interested in tyranny male to female I read that its not gay because of genetic traits I know that sounds like a homo homophobe type reply and this reply is the same but idk my.mind goes into a paradox of what if.. please help me

---------- Post added 23rd May 2014 at 09:41 PM ----------

My bad about typos .. but yeah I need help finding my self I guess. Don't understand life so clearly