Hello, I'm a 25 year old grumpy princess and I live in the UK. I'm new here and although I've thought of myself as probably being bisexual for many years. I've always found people of my own gender attractive and have been romantically interested in several women... but I've never had the opportunity to test my actual sexual orientation. So I have tentatively presented myself as Questioning because I'm not really sure how to KNOW what my sexual orientation is and if that's different to my romantic orientation. I think I unfortunately have been fooled by many bisexuality myths and I also feel as though I am not allowed to claim to be bisexual if I've only ever had relationships with the opposite gender and I've never had sex with somebody my own gender. I also find myself wishing that my boyfriend had boobs, and the idea of being intimate with somebody with breasts and a penis excites me. I find myself being attracted to all sorts of people, very girly girls, gentle effeminate men, lean muscular men with kind faces, androgynous people, butch lesbians... all sorts! Any tips on how you KNOW or how you work it out and also why are so many pretty girls straight?
Hi Welcome to EC it's nice to meet you I'm lesbian and have never went all the way with another woman , but I had sex with a man once . I think you should focus more on who are attracted to and ask yourself some serious questions .
You don't have to have sex with or even date both genders to be bisexual. All the word "bisexual" means is sexual attraction to both genders. You can prefer one gender over the other romantically and still be bisexual. You can also prefer one gender over the other sexually, as long as you're still somewhat sexually attracted to the other one. Bisexuality isn't always 50/50. It can be 70/30, 35/65, even 95/5. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that...
You don't have to have sex with anyone to prove yourself. Most straight people identify as straight before they ever 'test the waters' so why should anybody else be different? Keep in mind that gay women can enjoy sex with a man and still be gay, and they can also dislike sex with a woman and still be gay. Sexuality is about who you find attractive.
I have never had a relationship with either a guy or a girl, but I still identify as bisexual. I know I am attracted to two genders even without having sex or a relationship. Just like many straight people know they are attracted to the opposite sex before they have a relationship. And I don't think all pretty girls are straight...there are many pretty bisexual and lesbian individuals on here
:eek: I just realised how that sounds! I didn't mean to be all "if they're pretty they must be straight!" I was more like "The people I find attractive are often straight." Although I think perhaps that's not actually accurate, it's just how strongly I feel the heart-sinking rejection and humiliation of realising I've been barking up the wrong tree. That feeling often kind of overshadows all those times I found out the person I found attractive actually had an interest in women. Due to my pessimistic nature and cripplingly low self esteem (working on it...) the negatives of situations often seem to outweigh the positives until I only remember the negatives... So... yes, I'm really not trying to perpetuate the ridiculous "queer girls can't be pretty" myth. Not at all trying to do that! :icon_redf
Hello and welcome. I'm sure you will have some interesting conversations here that will help you find your way. As expressed above, your orientation is based on your feelings and desires rather than solely on who you have been with. I'm in the UK too as well as many others here. Happy days
Thank you everyone for such validating comments. (*hug*) (After writing this I am aware that the direction of this thread might be more relevant to a different area of the forums? I wonder if I should take the discussion elsewhere, I did read the conduct agreement but I don't remember what the rules are about staying on topic.) I think I'm a little hung up on definitively labelling myself and I'm worried about being judged regardless of what I say about my sexual and romantic leanings. It might take me some time to accept perhaps the fluidity of sexual and romantic attraction within myself and that I don't need to slap a great big label on myself. I'm really trying to take to heart what you've all said. I'm finding myself fighting against some pretty epic insecurities and fears though. I fear that I'm somehow not entitled to say I think I'm bisexual because I've only had one girlfriend ever, and that was for two weeks, over ten years ago, when I was still in school and we mostly kissed and I squeezed her butt once... I've made out with friends and it's been awkward when they say things like "It's funny that I can kiss you but I'm not attracted to girls!" and I've just felt awful and ashamed and I've known that it would inevitably spoil the friendship if I blurted out "BUT YOU'RE SUPER HOT AND I WANT TO DO NAUGHTY THINGS TO YOU!" I seriously do wonder whether I'm even allowed to say I'm bisexual because over the past 12 years I've only been with guys and the last time I was very openly interested in and romantically pursuing women was when I was a teenager. Despite the fact that I continue to find both men and women attractive I worry that it could just be written off as a silly teenage phase? I feel like I'm somehow not a REAL bisexual because I have mostly been living the privileged life of a heterosexual cisgendered white girl? I don't intend to belittle or offend any bisexual people who are in long term relationships with the opposite gender, these are not my feelings about other people and I am not making judgements about other people's life and relationships, they are more feelings I have about myself. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half years and although I love him, I feel like I'm only getting platonic love in return and I feel quite rejected. I'm struggling with my womanly needs and have not had them met for a very very very long time (over 2 years). I am becoming more and more aware of every single person I see that I find attractive and my mind goes to all sorts of inappropriate places that make it hard to keep a straight face... In relationships I usually don't find myself remotely sexually interested in people who are not my partner, but I'm currently finding myself incredibly sexually interested in lots of people and at least half of them are female. I feel quite ashamed because I feel as though I am being disloyal just by having these thoughts. I'm also quite concerned that if we can't resolve our relationship difficulties then I'm going to end up single for the first time in a long time and, although I know it's important to be comfortable with myself as a single person and not to rush into a rebound relationship, if the time came that I wanted to seek out a new relationship I would have no idea how to meet other single people. I don't exactly have a solid friendship group who I could turn to for advice and support because since university finished a lot of people have moved away or settled down to have kids or are simply incredibly busy and everybody's schedule conflicts, not to mention I am one of the people who eventually ended up moving 50 miles away and I don't drive. I go to a drama group and a singing group and I'm the youngest person in each group by over a decade and I have no idea how to meet people my own age, I'm a bit too old to go to youth groups as I'll be 26 soon and the highest age is usually 25 for that kind of thing. I'm in a very strange and difficult part of my life and lots is changing and I'm starting to question whether I've been living my life the way I really want to. I don't know if it's relevant to mention that I have mental health problems that were the main reason that my boyfriend and I started to struggle to live peacefully together (our sexual dysfunction happened before the relationship struggles) so I moved back in with my mum last year and am currently in therapy. I've had a long struggle with my mental health since late childhood and have only had proper treatment for about 6 months. I had a breakdown over a year ago and have been technically disabled ever since. This is another thing that scares me if I were to find myself looking to start a new relationship, I don't know if it's fair to start a relationship while I am recovering from a serious mental health problem and if that might be too much for a lot of people to handle. It's certainly too much for my boyfriend to cope with. Everything is extremely confusing! I'm very sorry if this is too much and I'm over-sharing or something.
Don't worry about the long post or what section it's in. Just remember, you see free to identify how you choose. You don't need anyone's permission and there no such thing a "right to label yourself" as anything. If you think the term bi suits you, then you are free to use it. You don't owe anyone an explanation or justification. At the end of the day, only you know how you feel towards others and so it's your choice. Granted labelling under any of the LGBT+ Can carry certain responses from people. But rather than avoid them, it's often better to try and educate. If you want to discuss anything further, please feel free to message me in my wall if you like or continue this thread or even start a new one. Happy days
^Exactly! If you feel that it best describes you then use it It's all about perception...I don't believe there is a right or wrong necessarily when it comes to sexual and gender orientation. ---------- Post added 29th May 2014 at 10:18 AM ---------- Lol, we were just joking And we've all been there...all the pretty ones do seem to be straight :/
I'm so grateful to come somewhere and to not be judged. Thank you so much <3 I have actually told people I'm bisexual if they've bothered to ask but I've always felt unworthy of saying it. I think I definitely need to work out why and deal with it. Most of the time people are cool about it and don't act as though anything has changed, which I really appreciate. Sometimes they say something like "is that because you're greedy? LOL!" or "That's hot!" or "Maybe you're turning into a lesbian." and I never really know what to say back. I suppose it's in the front of my mind a lot at the moment because of my current relationship situation... and the fact that I keep finding myself gawping at pretty girls.
I felt like that at the beginning but once I started to tell more people, I started to accept it more and now I am totally comfortable with saying that I'm bi. It justs feels so right now And they say those things because those are stereotypes that are attached to bisexuality. Apparently being bi means that we're "greedy" (whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean-pardon the French :/), we're confused, it's just a phase, you're transitioning to becoming gay, we're doing it for attention...the list goes on. I would just tell them that those are all stereotypes and explain to them what bisexuality is. Our love has no gender! We are capable of loving two genders But you are very welcome glad it helped a bit If you ever wanna talk or ask more questions, you can always message me
You're damn right, we are. ---------- Post added 29th May 2014 at 12:29 PM ---------- I think that's due to statistics. There are a lot more straight woman than queer woman, hence, making the chances of finding a straight one attractive higher.
