Okay, I guess I'm a bit nervous about this...I've been glancing at these forums every so often, but could never work up the courage to register. Here goes, I guess... I just started coming out last October, after knowing more or less for nearly 10 years (I'm 26 now). I'm not sure what kept me from saying anything before that...I haven't really encountered too much negative feedback yet for liking women. Still, I get really nervous based on the negative responses I have gotten. I came out to several family members and a few friends as gay, but I'm still not 100% sure...By that, I mostly mean that if I ever do wind up finding a man attractive, I won't fight it. I'm open to that if it happens. So far, though, my feelings towards guys have never been more than platonic and completely non-sexual. I suppose it's worth noting that I've never acted on my feelings, either. Honestly, I'm scared that this will make people lose patience with me, and I will always be alone (pardon the melancholy, it's been a long day). To cap off my fear on the matter, I recently moved in with a new roommate who is also a lesbian...she's just considerably more out about it, and seems to have been for quite some time. To put it mildly, she has more experience in the area than I do, and I find this intimidating for some reason. She has no idea about me, and I'm scared that she will be angry and/or exasperated with me for not letting her know before I rented the room. Sorry for the long post! Nerves tend to make me ramble a bit. If anyone has any advice, I'd welcome it more than I can express...
Hey, welcome to EC. It's alright if you feel afraid or nervous. I mean, it's kinda hard to realize and get comfortable with your sexuality. Right now, it seems impossible for me to come out, so I have to admire how brave you are. First off, don't take the negative reactions to heart. Your sexuality is none of your business, and if they say you will go to hell or some bullshit, don't worry about it. I'm sure that if there is a God, he cares about real crimes instead of what gender you love. Second, I don't think your roommate will react too harshly to your sexuality. I mean, she should know how hard it is to come out. You should also let her know that you don't have any feelings for her and just want to remain as roommates. That's all I got, I guess. Good luck on your magical journey of finding who you are.
Hi, I just wandered back here, which means that actual advice I have pretty much none... I'm also 26, and like you always sort of knew I was gay. I'm not the best to give advice on this as I started "coming out" three years ago (to a few friends) and not much have changed in my life, I honestly don't think people take me seriously when I tell them I'm gay and they are waiting to actually see me with another woman... I wish that was so easy... Anyway, If I were you I would talk to your roommate. I don't know what kind of relationship you've got but you have someone there who might be able to help you. I' m talking from regret here; I had a roommate once who was very open about being gay and I spent a few months wondering what to do; I felt insecure about coming out and I never told her anything and today I regret it. I know that she would have at least listened... which is something I don't seem to find among my friends. What I guess I mean is to try and find someone like your roommate to talk to, she might understand you more than most people... I do ramble quite a bit, too, sorry!!!
First off, you are courageous for coming out to your friends and family. However, you want to be careful about who you talk to about confusion. You don't want them to think this is a choice and that you could go with an "acceptable" partner (a man). Don't worry about others losing patience. Your sexuality is entirely your business and no one else's. You definitely won't be alone as there are still plenty of single people at your age. You should tell your roommate because she is the least likely to be judgmental, and she can help you overcome your fears. Overall, it seems your main concerns are just fear of others getting frustrated with you. Try to avoid that fear because in reality, many people don't care as much as you think about your personal life. As the saying goes, "those who mind don't matter, and those who don't mind matter."
Thank you Good luck to you as well! And yeah, I was going to make sure to let her know that I wasn't interested in her or anything...I just happen to be more similar to her than she knows, I guess. She probably won't care, I know I'm being a bit paranoid. That makes a lot of sense. I should probably just be open about it. Sorry to hear that you're having trouble...I hope things start to look up eventually. Thank you for the advice Hello! I think most of those I've spoken to understand that it's not a choice. I pretty much stop discussing it altogether with anyone who doesn't get that (and will probably lose some people entirely, but I'm prepared for that, I guess). I've heard that saying before, and I suppose it goes out of my head sometimes. But really, I assume most people don't care about my personal life to begin with...I'm more worried about those who I care about and/or live with rejecting me (a hugely common fear, I know). I didn't mean to come off as self-centered, I promise. Thank you for your advice You're probably right I think I'm just overthinking the possibility that she might get angry or uncomfortable.
