Hi All! Just to let you know, I'm Ben. I'm 16 and I live in a small town near London. I've come here because, for the last year or two, I have been greatly questioning my orientation... The more and more I see, the more anxious I feel, the more I question myself. I've never had a relationship, but I have dreamt of it many a time. Throughout my childhood, I would always hear my family and their friends talking about how bad homosexuals are, and that they're a disgrace, and that they'd hate any member of the family if they 'turned out to be a homosexual'. Anyways, I've never been the social type; I always moved from friend-group to friend-group, never developing friendships to outside of school. This continued, but in my latter years of Secondary School I developed a 'deep' friendship with a guy in all of my classes. As of that point, I started to fantasize about us being together. In a relationship. I was always told it was wrong, but I couldn't help it, I really got on with him, and he was the only person I could talk to, vent to. I pushed this to the side, thinking how wrong it was, until now. I recently watched a film, "The Sitter". In this, there's a minor sub-plot about one of the anxiety-ridden kids, who turns out to be gay. This sub-plot played out through two major scenes: First Scene Second Scene As soon as I watched these scenes, I instantly began to think of my friend in that way again. For the past few days, I have felt like utter $h#t, incredibly anxious, worrying about everything, for absolutely no reason. And... I didn't know where to turn to, I can't talk to anyone in person (I trust VERY few people), I can't talk to him about it, and I kinda don't have any other friends. So I was hoping people on EC may have some advice on what to do? Thanks (&&&) Ben https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NYeBl9l2kE
