I am a 21 catholic upper-middle-class portuguese guy living in Lisbon. I am also a 3rd year medical student. I come from a big big big traditional portuguese family and I have been living my life so far doing what was expected of me: great student, choir boy in Sunday mass, volunteer work and charity events ever since I was 16, good enough sportsman - swimming, squash, skiing, gym... Truth is, all of that has made me very happy and I think that I have grown to become quite the good guy: I usually take things in life seriously, particularly when it comes to relationships. My biggest dream in life is to find the right person with whom to spend the rest of my life - yes, pretty lame and uncommon for a 21 year old guy...! I am also gay. 2 years ago I was pretty confused about what that implied in my little ideal life of children and a loving wife eheh... I went to confession and I came out for the first time to my Jesuit priest. He was very good and he helped embrace who I was in a complete way - I have been having a pretty great experience being a gay guy in the Catholic Church (so far...?). About 20 months ago, I found a sort of christian blog for gay people to talk to each other... I soon met a great Anglican Scotish guy living in Spain with whom I spoke more and more. We exchanged skypes, became the best of friends, eventually met in real life, started secretly dating, and we are now in a secret long distance gay relationship (6hours appart). I have been speaking to my priest about it and I am feeling really happy and in peace with God and myself. I love my secret boyfriend, and I can totally see myself one day (when my endless college course ends) moving in with him and do all the rest that make up a serious relationship. I have started working on it slowly: I have come out to my closest friends (it was all good), my bros and my mum (she didn't take it so well, but I will give her time). (I haven't told my dad yet because we are not really that close ever since my parents got separated when I was 8yo, but it would be cool with him...) My boyfriend on the other hand.... 1) He is bisexual. I was a virgin when we met, he had had a few girlfriends before. We spoke about it, sometimes I have a harder time understanding it, but he loves me very much and he has been nothing but faithful and loving towards me. 2) He is a pro athelete working in Spain and so it is pretty much impossible for him to come out now with me. I understand it, but sometimes it makes me feel very little in his life. It is easy to bounce between "the most precious secret he tries to protect" to "the dirty secret he wishes will eventually disappear". 3) His closest friends are in Scotland and he doesn't have the chance to speak to them about us properly - he doesn't think they would be supportive either. His family is living there too and he thinks they would be all but supporting. No one knows that he is bi... or that I exist for that matter. In two months I am moving to Spain for a year, and we shall be "only" three hours away... but the secrecy thing will go on... He loves me very much. All of this makes him the saddest. We have both cried over and over every time this topic pops up. I love him very very much but sometimes I wonder: is this getting too complicated?
Hi there, and welcome to EC. (Still feel so awkward saying that. I'm not exactly a long-term member.) I'm so glad you are able to keep a good balance between your religion and your sexuality. And, it's awesome to hear that your priest is so understanding. It's quite common to feel sad and insecure about long distant relationships. It sounds like you and your boyfriend love each other a lot, and if that's true, then nothing is getting too complicated and it will never become too complicated. Even couples who live together have tough times. It's one thing all relationships have in common: troubles. If you think you have a future with him, try to get through this. I understand it may feel scary or uncertain, especially if you're far away, but you said it yourself: he's been nothing but faithful and loving towards you. That's a very big sign that he cares for you, and you're definitely not his "dirty secret he wishes will eventually disappear." Best of luck!
Hey Relationships are hard. Every single one has its little flaws and unresolved issues. I've been in a Long Distance Relationship too for about three years now, somy advice comes from experience. It seems that you and your boyfriend love each other so much. Things might suck right now, but they'll get getter. that will start when you start seeing each other more often and everything. This time, as well as believing in God, believe in your relationship You two are strong and you can make it. (Now every time I say "you" I involve you and your bf) You'll work out the problems that come up. Don't give up on it! It's so easy to leave as soon as we're confronted to a problem, isn't it? But that won't resolve it, because we'll find other problems in other places. And I'd say, if you're not going to fight for your relationship, who will? Don't give up on it. Your relationship seems worth the fight, even though it's hard Good luck ! (*hug*)
