Hey y'all

Hey y¡¯all. Hope you¡¯re all well. Well, I¡¯m not the best person when it comes to introductions, but I¡¯ll try to keep it simple. I¡¯m TerrorStar, all the way from South Africa. Stumbled upon this site when I was browsing the internet for communities as such, and yeah, I quite have a lot on the back right (the monkey, that is). I have been gay for as long as can think back, but it only came through realisation that I was when I started high school some years back ¨C with all the pressure of being in high school for the first time, and trying to make friends, I didn¡¯t have an easy time, due to being bullied, name-called for being gay (I didn¡¯t even know what gay was, then). To my realisation, this was apparently due to my voice, which hadn¡¯t broke, my looks that made me look way younger (today, still), and basically being a bit flamboyant and care-free. A few years went on, the bullying subsided, made a lot of friends, and became well-known. Throughout out this, some friends that I had made, were different ¨C or just maybe to my perspective. They would be touchy, and do things, stereotypical straight guys don¡¯t do, and so, I caught feelings, and after a while of showing me their secret other persona, they¡¯d revert to being straight, and wouldn¡¯t talk to me. So I turned to the internet at some point, looking for other guys like me, in the closet. I then found a guy whom I¡¯d talk to, and started confiding in. at some point, I came out to one of my female classmates, and in class, we¡¯d write notes to each other, and once, I wrote a note to her telling her about my gay life and the guy I¡¯d talk to on the net ¨C a letter which one day, I stuffed into my bag, and my mother happened to have gone through my bag the next day and found the letter. She¡¯d cry every now and then , and finally, she spoke to me, and told me to drop these ways (till today, she still thinks I¡¯m straight, and maybe I was possessed for that while.) Life went on, I stayed in my closet. Until I met a new classmates, whom over the years, I developed a strong friendship with, until I caught feelings. What made matters worse, was that he blurred out if he was straight or gay, and his actions around me emphasised the former. Through the remainder of my high school years, I battled with my secret feelings for him, as I didn¡¯t want to risk our friendship. But I should have known better, as when high school ended, so did our friendship ¨C not over a fight or anything, we just sort of parted. I later got into contact with him, and came out to him about everything, he seemed fine about it, although I knew deep down, that I wanted him to be angry at me, at least in that way, I¡¯d also be angry, and maybe finally find firm ground to move on. In university, I now find myself stuck in the similar boat, and it kills me inside. Coming out of the closet wouldn¡¯t be the easiest of things, due to my family, religion and general society down here, even though ive come out to a few accepting people, life still feels like a steep hill to climb, one which seems endless. Sorry for the rambling¡* but by joining this site, I hope to make some awesome friends, and just be with people who accept me for who I am, and ya. Thanks for your time

 

Thank you all

 

Sure, Linco. Thanks everybody for the warm welcomes -- looking forward to this!