Hello. I'm 28 years old (as of last month) and I'm genderqueer. That's what I've come to think of myself, although the truth may be closer to trans* but I guess I can't bring myself to go there yet. I'm still anxious about whether or not that is, in fact, the case. I've already got ahead of myself... I'm not really sure what more to say. I feel quite confused and excited at the moment. I've decided to really explore this reality that I've kept hidden so long. Over the past few days, I've stopped "policing" my gender display... I'm just doing me, and it feels so liberating but also a bit scary. I was in a restaurant this evening and a large group of Russian sailors (not sure why their being Russian matters, but they were) approached and I immediately thought "am I acting and sounding and...being... way too feminine?" And that prompted feelings of guilt for thinking those thoughts (why can't I just celebrate myself, and why would being feminine be a bad thing anyway?). I can imagine this is a very poor attempt at an introduction so I'll sum things up - I'm slowly starting to let my family and close friends know that I'm thinking about gender issues and my status as "genderqueer". They've known me as a boy (a man? the idea of that is so difficult for me to process) all these years, and I don't want to hurt or embarrass anyone. But I really need to do this. I want to live my life this way. Unfortunately, I'm a lot more cowardly than I thought. So yep. Much love to you all, if you've read this far, you're a star!
