How are you? I've just stumbled on this forum, seems like a nice place Last year I went throught hard changes in my life, and I'm in the process of recovering. Everything changed for me : My partner died, and the one I thought was my best friend turned to be... Everthing but that... I've been struggling with my gender issues since I can remember, but I never had the courage to go there, mainly because my experience with therapy and the rest was pretty negative (I also never told my therapists about my gender issues, fearing to be totally missunderstood and "making it worse", and they also never asked me, not even once, about it). Right now I'm doing my research about trans, as well as dressing to express the way I always felt inside. So far I'm having lots of fun, it feels great! Finally I'm free of feeling that awful pressure (!) My next step will be visiting a LGTB center to talk to someone about this. I admit I'm as happy as scared. I tried so hard for years (quite a few, I think) "to fit in", most of my relationships were with men, but I never felt quite comfortable when I had to "act feminine", as I never felt like a woman at all. I've been faking it for years and years, feeling totally uncomfortable with my own body, etc... And from time to time the man inside of me just came outside (he's got "sharp claws"), which put me in awkward situations... "Oh, sorry, no, I didn't meant that"... (And then hating myself for acting that way) I'm not a coward, but I feel pretty scared sometimes of the long road ahead... If I was the only person on earth, then it'll be fine, but I also have parents/family. They think I'm this "normal girl", straight, because I had a long term relationship with a man (they don't know I went out with girls too)... Ok, that was too much for an intro... Looking for good company and good times. You guys seem like fun, loving people... It feels good to be here, to know there is more like me outside...
I'm great thanks, welcome to EC, feel free to message me if you need help with anything or want to chat.
Thanks, that is very kind of you. ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2014 at 10:31 PM ---------- Thanks, Opheliac, so far I've been enjoying it. By the way, your signature is from Repo, the genetic opera?
Hello and welcome. I hope you'll eventually figure out everything and that one day you'll tell us how happy you are. If you need to talk to someone, make sure to post in the appropriate section and all the great people on here will try their best to answer, I'm sure. Lots of love, Andy
It's a mix of two things I like : "vodka" and "cabaret" (the Liza Minelli movie, as well as the shows in general, true cabaret, old style, german). Inspiration came thanks to a party flyer I've got around the house. I started to panic when I had to pick an username, so I let my eyes wander, and that's what I've got :lol: I'm learning to take myself not too seriously, so you could read it "the voice of the cabaret" as well... ---------- Post added 6th Sep 2014 at 06:47 PM ---------- Thanks. I'd be happy if I could match how I always felt inside with my exterior... And get the ones I love to accept me for who I am... This is all too... I don't know... Just "too much" sometimes, when I think about telling them... Not because of me, I'm cool with it, but what about the others... It's strange, but I feel for the first time in my life I finally found a place where I can talk about this openly... I wish I knew about it when I was your age, that there is more people feeling this way, and that doesn't mean they are deranged or anything like that...
